Abhanga 2775
A useful honest-disclosure prayer. I was preserving the fitting-share — it went vain. The taste of my words has gone — my speech has become sour. Trust drowned my house — you made me carry patience this far. There is no foothold at the end — how have you completed the puzzle? The verse is unusual in its disclosure: trust itself was the destroyer. The bhakti-claim is that the trust the Lord required was so total that it drowned the house — and yet the bhakta was made to carry-patience. The puzzle of bhakti-economy. The wry-close: how YOU have completed it — I can't see.
The verse
उचिताचा भाग होतों राखोनियां । दिसती ते वांयां कष्ट गेले ॥१॥
वचनाची कांहीं राहे चि ना रुचि । खळाऐसें वाची कुची जालें ॥ध्रु.॥
विश्वासानें माझें बुडविलें घर । करविला धीर येथवरी ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे शेकीं थार नाहीं बुड । कैसें तुम्हीं कोड पुरविलें ॥३॥
Literal translation
Uchitāñcā bhāga hōtōm rākhōniyām — I was preserving (rākhōnī) my uchita-bhāga (fitting-share); disatī tē vāyām kaṣṭa gēlē — it appears (disatī) the kaṣṭa (effort) has gone vāyām (vain). Vachanāñcī kāmhī rāhē chi nā ruchi — the ruchi (taste) of the words doesn't remain; khaḷā-aisē vāchī kuchī jālē — like a khaḷā (wicked one), my vāchī (speech) has become kuchī (sour). Viśvāsānē mājhē buḍavilē ghara — trust drowned my house; karavilā dhīra yēthavarī — you made (me) carry patience this far. Tukā says: śenkī thāra nāhī buḍa — at the end (śenkī), there is no thāra (foothold) — no buḍa (foundation); kaisē tumhī kōḍa puravile — how have you (puravile) completed the kōḍa (puzzle/riddle)?
What it means
A short honest-disclosure-petition verse. Uchitāñcā bhāga hōtōm rākhōniyām — disatī tē vāyām kaṣṭa gēlē — I was preserving my fitting-share — it appears the effort has gone vain. The bhakta acknowledges: he was-preserving (rākhōnī) what uchita (fitting) for him — but the kaṣṭa (effort) has gone vāyām (vain).
The dhrūpada: vachanāñcī kāmhī rāhē chi nā ruchi — khaḷā-aisē vāchī kuchī jālē — the taste of the words doesn't remain; like a wicked one, my speech has become sour. The somatic-spiritual effect: the words have lost taste. Vāchī kuchī jālē — speech has become sour — as if the bhakta has become khaḷā (wicked) in his speech-quality, despite his intentions.
The second verse names the engine: viśvāsānē mājhe buḍavile ghara — karavilā dhīra yēthavarī — trust drowned my house; you made me carry patience this far. The striking-claim: viśvāsa (trust) ITSELF drowned-the-house. The trust the bhakta had placed in the Lord became the house-drowner. Karavilā dhīra yēthavarī — you made me carry patience this far — and the patience-carrying has been your-doing.
The close: śenkī thāra nāhī buḍa — kaise tumhī kōḍa puravile — at the end, no foothold, no foundation — how have you completed the puzzle? Kōḍa puravile — completed the puzzle/riddle. The wry-question: given that there is no foothold at the end, how have YOU completed this puzzle? The implication: the puzzle is yours to complete; my position is foothold-less.
For someone today
A useful honest-disclosure prayer. I was preserving the fitting-share — it went vain. The taste of my words has gone — my speech has become sour. Trust drowned my house — you made me carry patience this far. There is no foothold at the end — how have you completed the puzzle? The verse is unusual in its disclosure: trust itself was the destroyer. The bhakti-claim is that the trust the Lord required was so total that it drowned the house — and yet the bhakta was made to carry-patience. The puzzle of bhakti-economy. The wry-close: how YOU have completed it — I can't see.
Where this applies
- I-tried-to-preserve-and-it-went-vain honest disclosure
- Recognizing trust-itself-drowned-my-house
- The wry close: how have you completed the puzzle?
- The somatic-marker: vāchī kuchī jālē — my speech has gone sour