Abhanga 2775
Total trust can feel like it drowned everything you had, leaving you honestly asking how God will make sense of it in the end.
The verse
उचिताचा भाग होतों राखोनियां । दिसती ते वांयां कष्ट गेले ॥१॥
वचनाची कांहीं राहे चि ना रुचि । खळाऐसें वाची कुची जालें ॥ध्रु.॥
विश्वासानें माझें बुडविलें घर । करविला धीर येथवरी ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे शेकीं थार नाहीं बुड । कैसें तुम्हीं कोड पुरविलें ॥३॥
Literal translation
Uchitāñcā bhāga hōtōm rākhōniyām — I was preserving (rākhōnī) myuchita-bhāga(fitting-share); disatī tē vāyām kaṣṭa gēlē — it appears (disatī) thekaṣṭa(effort) has gonevāyām(vain). Vachanāñcī kāmhī rāhē chi nā ruchi — theruchi(taste) of the words doesn't remain; khaḷā-aisē vāchī kuchī jālē — like akhaḷā(wicked one), myvāchī(speech) has becomekuchī(sour). Viśvāsānē mājhē buḍavilē ghara — trust drowned my house; karavilā dhīra yēthavarī — you made (me) carry patience this far. Tukā says: śenkī thāra nāhī buḍa — at the end (śenkī), there is nothāra(foothold) — nobuḍa(foundation); kaisē tumhī kōḍa puravile — how have you (puravile) completed thekōḍa(puzzle/riddle)?
What it means
A short honest-disclosure-petition verse. Uchitāñcā bhāga hōtōm rākhōniyām — disatī tē vāyām kaṣṭa gēlē — I was preserving my fitting-share — it appears the effort has gone vain. The bhakta acknowledges: he was-preserving (rākhōnī) what uchita (fitting) for him — but the kaṣṭa (effort) has gone vāyām (vain).
The dhrūpada: vachanāñcī kāmhī rāhē chi nā ruchi — khaḷā-aisē vāchī kuchī jālē — the taste of the words doesn't remain; like a wicked one, my speech has become sour. The somatic-spiritual effect: the words have lost taste. Vāchī kuchī jālē — speech has become sour — as if the bhakta has become khaḷā (wicked) in his speech-quality, despite his intentions.
The second verse names the engine: viśvāsānē mājhe buḍavile ghara — karavilā dhīra yēthavarī — trust drowned my house; you made me carry patience this far. The striking-claim: viśvāsa (trust) ITSELF drowned-the-house. The trust the bhakta had placed in the Lord became the house-drowner. Karavilā dhīra yēthavarī — you made me carry patience this far — and the patience-carrying has been your-doing.
The close: śenkī thāra nāhī buḍa — kaise tumhī kōḍa puravile — at the end, no foothold, no foundation — how have you completed the puzzle? Kōḍa puravile — completed the puzzle/riddle. The wry-question: given that there is no foothold at the end, how have YOU completed this puzzle? The implication: the puzzle is yours to complete; my position is foothold-less.
For someone today
A useful honest-disclosure prayer. I was preserving the fitting-share — it went vain. The taste of my words has gone — my speech has become sour. Trust drowned my house — you made me carry patience this far. There is no foothold at the end — how have you completed the puzzle? The verse is unusual in its disclosure: trust itself was the destroyer. The bhakti-claim is that the trust the Lord required was so total that it drowned the house — and yet the bhakta was made to carry-patience. The puzzle of bhakti-economy. The wry-close: how YOU have completed it — I can't see.
Where this applies
- When you feel like your trust in something or someone has cost you your stability rather than protected it
- When your own words start to feel hollow or sour to you despite meaning well
- When you have been asked to be patient for so long that you can no longer see solid ground ahead
- When you want to be honest in prayer about confusion instead of pretending everything makes sense