Abhanga 3107
Tukaram's rawest complaint shows that voicing total despair and feeling forgotten by God, even accusingly, is still a form of honest bhakti.
The verse
कळलें माझा तुज नव्हे रे आठव । काय काज जीव ठेवूं आतां ॥१॥
तूं काय करिसी माझिया संचिता । धिग हे अनंता जालें जिणें ॥ध्रु.॥
पतितपावन राहिलों या आशा । आइकोनि ठसा कीर्ती तुझी ॥२॥
आतां कोण करी माझा अंगीकार । कळलें निष्ठ जालासी तूं ॥३॥
तुका म्हणे माझी मांडिली निरास । करितों जीवा नास तुजसाटीं ॥४॥
Literal translation
Kaḷale mājhā tuja navhe re āṭhava — known: you do not have remembrance of me; kāya kāja jīva ṭhevūm ātām — what (is the) use of keeping jīva now. Tūm kāya karisī mājhiyā samchitā — what will you do with my samchita; dhig he Anantā jāle jiṇe — dhig, Ananta, this jīṇa has become. Patitapāvana rāhilōm yā āśā — patita-pāvana — I stayed on this āśā; āikōnī ṭhasā kīrtī tujhī — having heard the ṭhasā of your kīrti. Ātām kōṇa karī mājhā angīkāra — now, who will do my angīkāra; kaḷale niṣṭhura jālāsī tūm — known: you have become niṣṭhura. Tukā mhaṇe mājhī māṇḍilī nirāsa — Tukā says: my despair is set-up; karitōm jīvā nāsa tujasāṭīm — I make jīva-nāsa for-your-sake.
What it means
A 4-verse extreme-petition-of-despair by Tukārām, continuing-from-3106.
The escalating-argument: Known: you-don't-remember-me; what-(use)-keeping-jīva-now? what-will-you-do-with-samchita? Dhik, Ananta, this-life. I-stayed-on-the-āśā of-patita-pāvana hearing-your-kīrti-ṭhasa. Now-who-does-my-angīkāra? — known: you-have-become-niṣṭhura. My-nirāśa is-set-up; I-make jīva-nāsa for-your-sake.
The jīva-nāsa for-your-sake (= I'll-destroy-my-life-for-your-account) is the Vārkarī-petition's-extreme-rhetoric. The bhakta-threatens-suicide-or-death as-leverage for-the-Lord's-pity. Compare-Kānhōbā's-trample-threat (2984) and-other-extreme-bhakti-protests.
For someone today
Tukārām's extreme petition, spoken from despair. I now know: you have no remembrance of me. What use is there in keeping this life going now? What will you do with all I have stored up? Curse it, Ananta — this is what my life has become. I stayed clinging to the hope of the redeemer of the fallen, having heard the mark of your fame. Now who will accept me? I know it now — you have grown hard-hearted. My despair is laid bare — I will destroy my own life for your sake. The verse allows this extreme petition of despair, using the threat of self-destruction as leverage on the Lord's compassion.
मराठी: तुकारामांची ही निराशेतून उमटलेली टोकाची विनवणी आहे. मला आता कळले आहे: तुला माझी आठवण नाही. आता हा जीव ठेवण्याचा काय उपयोग? माझ्या संचिताचे तू काय करशील? धिक्कार असो, अनंता — असे हे जगणे झाले आहे. तुझी कीर्ती ऐकून, पतितपावन आहेस या आशेवर मी राहिलो. आता माझा अंगीकार कोण करील? मला कळून चुकले आहे — तू निष्ठुर झाला आहेस. माझी निराशा उघड झाली आहे — तुझ्यासाठी मी माझ्या जिवाचा नाश करतो. हा अभंग निराशेतून येणारी ही टोकाची विनवणी मान्य करतो, ज्यात भक्त आत्मनाशाची धमकी भगवंताच्या करुणेवर दबाव आणण्यासाठी वापरतो.
Where this applies
- When you feel like your prayers have gone completely unanswered and you want to say so out loud
- When you've held onto someone's reputation for kindness and feel betrayed when reality doesn't match it
- When despair makes you want to give up entirely and you need to voice that darkest feeling instead of suppressing it
- When you're waiting on someone who once seemed compassionate but now seems to have hardened toward you