Abhanga 3352
Even deep devotion can honestly admit despair and a feeling of abandonment, rather than pretending unanswered pleading never happened.
The verse
जे केली आळी ते अवघी गेली वांयां । उरला पंढरिराया श्रम माझा ॥१॥
काय समाधान केलें कोण वेळे । कोणें माझे लळे पाळियेलें ॥ध्रु.॥
आभास ही नाहीं स्वप्नीं दुश्चिता । प्रत्यक्ष बोलतां कंइचा तो ॥२॥
आतां पुढें लाज वाटे पांडुरंगा । भक्त ऐसे जगामाजी जाले ॥३॥
तुका म्हणे आतां नाहीं भरवसा । मोकलीसी ऐसा वाटतोसी ॥४॥
Literal translation
Je kelī āḷī te avaghī gelī vāmyā — all my āḷī gone in vain; uralā pamḍharirāya śrama mājhā — only my śrama remains. Kāya samādhāna kele kōṇa veḷe — what samādhāna, who, when; kōṇe mājhe laḷe pāḷiyele — who cherished my laḷe. Ābhāsa hī nāhī svapnīm duśchitā — no ābhāsa even in svapna; pratyakṣa bōlatām kaimchā tō — leave aside pratyakṣa speech. Ātām puḍhe lāja vāṭe Pāṇḍurangā — now lāja-ahead, Pāṇḍuranga; bhakta aise jagāmāji jāle — such bhakta became known in the world. Tukā mhaṇe ātām nāhī bharavasā — Tukā says: no bharavasā; mōkalīsī aisā vāṭatōsī — you seem to be abandoning.
What it means
A 4-verse protest. All-insistence-vain; only-śrama-remains; no-one-cherished-my-pleas; not-even-in-dream-an-ābhāsa; shame-in-the-world that-such-a-bhakta-exists; no-bharavasā now; you-seem-abandoning.
For someone today
Tukaram admits that all his pleading and insistence with Pandharirāya seem to have come to nothing, leaving him with only exhaustion to show for it. He asks pointedly who ever comforted him, and when, and who ever truly cherished his pleadings, saying there was not even a faint trace of response in a dream, let alone any direct answer. He confesses he now feels ashamed before the world, since everyone knows he calls himself a devotee and yet seems so unanswered. In the end he says plainly that he has lost his trust, and that it feels as though he is being abandoned. This is devotion honest enough to admit despair rather than pretend everything feels fine.
मराठी: तुकाराम कबूल करतात की पंढरीरायाकडे केलेला सगळा हट्ट आणि आग्रह वाया गेला असे वाटते, त्यातून फक्त थकवाच हाती उरला. कोणी मला कधी सांत्वन दिले, कोणी माझ्या विनवण्यांची खरोखर कदर केली, असे ते थेट विचारतात, आणि म्हणतात की स्वप्नातसुद्धा त्याचा फिकट ठसाही आला नाही, प्रत्यक्ष उत्तर तर दूरच राहिले. जगासमोर आता लाज वाटते, असे ते सांगतात, कारण सगळ्यांना माहीत आहे की मी स्वतःला भक्त म्हणवतो, तरीही असे उत्तर मिळालेले दिसत नाही. शेवटी ते स्पष्ट सांगतात की आता माझा विश्वास उरलेला नाही, आणि मला असे वाटते की मला सोडून दिले जात आहे. ही अशी भक्ती आहे जी निराशा प्रामाणिकपणे मान्य करते, सगळे काही ठीक आहे असे भासवत नाही.
Where this applies
- When someone feels their prayers and pleadings have gone completely unanswered despite great effort
- When a devoted person feels embarrassed in front of others because their faith seems unrewarded
- When you lose trust in something you once relied on and admit that loss honestly instead of hiding it
- When a person feels abandoned by someone or something they had counted on for support