Dashak 3 · Samāsa 4

Children grew many; then Lakṣmī departed; the poor ones fell to begging; nothing to eat was available.

Little children play; some crawl, some in the belly; the house became crowded — with daughters and sons.

Day by day, expenditure grew; income was cut off; daughters reached marriageable age — no money to marry them off.

Parents had been well-off; plenty of wealth was theirs; by that, honor and rank were obtained.

Public-facing appearance held; the old household substance no longer at home; day by day within, poverty came.

Thus the household grew; more mouths to feed; the creatures were seized with worry and anxiety.

Daughters reached marriageable age; sons had brides come; now the marriages must be performed.

If the children remain unmarried, public shame rises; people say, 'why were these born, into birth-poverty?'

Such public disgrace would come; the ancestors' name is lost; now who will give a loan for the wedding?

Past loans not repaid; no one lends; such a cloud of anxiety has gathered.

'I eat food; food eats me' — always the mind is worry-stricken.

Household possessions broken; goods pledged in pawn; 'alas, God, the time of bankruptcy has come.'

Some things were hastily sold; the house-animals sold; some cash raised at interest.

Such loans were taken; publicly [he] made show; all say 'the ancestors' name is kept.'

Loans became enormous; creditors encircled; then he began to depart — to foreign lands.

Two years he put his head down; accepted low service; the body suffered hardship to extremity.

Some was gathered abroad; life became attached to people; then asking leave of the master, he turned back.

Meanwhile at home, they were extremely afflicted; sat waiting on the road; say 'why has this much time passed, God, what is the cause?'

'What shall we eat now? How many days of fasting till death? Why, O God, did you put us into this company?'

They think of their own happiness but do not know his sorrow; when strength goes in the end, no one is of use.

So watching, suddenly he is seen on the path; children run out — 'father — you are tired' — they say.

The wife rejoiced on seeing him; says 'our poverty is cleared'; he handed over the bundle to her.

All became joyful; say 'our elder has come; he has brought us clothes and caps.'

Such joy for four days; then immediately the whispering began: 'if this one goes, again distress will strike us.'

'Therefore what he has brought, keep it; he should go abroad again; before we eat this up, he must return — with wealth.'

Such is the desire of all — all kin desirous of his comfort; wife extremely loving — she too is after comfort.

Abroad he was much wearied; came to take rest; has not yet released a breath — and the going-away is again imposed.

Then expected a jyotiṣa-reading; checked the muhūrta; mind entangled in it — going did not feel auspicious.

Mother-medicine prepared; some provisions tied up; looked at the children; set out on the road.

Looked at his wife; separation brought much sorrow; the prārabdha-thread of debt-bond was taut.

Throat choked; inability to control; sob rose; between child and father, torn apart.

'If *ṛṇānubandha* (debt-bond) still remains, another meeting will occur; otherwise our company has been filled in just this meeting.'

Saying so, he mounts; looks back again and again; separation-sorrow unbearable, but nothing else works.

His village remained behind; mind confused with samsāra-distress; he became sorrowful with worldly-attachment, out of pride.

At that moment, he remembered his mother; says, 'blessed, blessed is that mother; for my sake, much she suffered — yet I, the fool, did not know.'

'Today if she were alive, she would never leave me; on separation she would wail; her belly-fire was something else.'

A son splendour-less, a beggar — the mother still embraces him the same; seeing him distressed inwardly, she is pained by his sorrow.

When considered with discernment, this whole [family-life] does not equal mother; this body, for whose sake it was created —

A beloved-woman is māyā; of what use are a thousand of them? — yet I was deluded vainly by Makara-dhvaja [Cupid].

For the sake of this one [sexual] desire, dispute must be taken up with the loved ones; the dear ones seem slanderers.

Therefore blessed are the people of prapañca who do reverence to mother-and-father; who do not, with hearts cruel toward loved ones [are fools].

Company of wife and children lasts a lifetime; but where will mother-and-father be found [again]?

I had heard this before, but did not understand at the time; the mind drowned in the pool of sexual pleasure.

These loved ones seem near, but are slanderers; they gathered for prosperity; going empty-handed is very shameful.

Now whatever must be done, [I] must acquire money and bring it; going empty is naturally painful.

Such calculation he makes; sorrow is felt within; he drowns in the great-flood of anxiety.

Thus this body, while still his own, is made dependent on others; he became shameful before Īśvara — family-drudge.

For this one [sexual] desire's sake, life is worn down in strain; when age is spent at the end, one must go alone.

Thus he repents in mind; for a moment becomes dispassionate; immediately the creature is caught in māyā's net.

Son-and-daughter remembered; from within, grief is felt; says 'my children are distanced from me.'

Past sorrows remembered; what all has befallen; then long wailing began.

While weeping in the forest, no one consoles; then he becomes deliberative in his own mind.

'Now, why weep? What comes, must be experienced'; so saying to life, he steadied himself.

Thus, worn by sorrow, he went abroad; the next [episode] follows — listen attentively.