Abhanga 14

The economy is plain: brief intense suffering once, in exchange for unfailing rest forever. The alternative — push-pull, pickup-dropoff, indecision — only multiplies suffering.

The verse

Literal translation

What it means

This abhang names the economy of the gopī-arc: brief suffering exchanged for permanent rest, in contrast to the indecision-cycle that the speaker had been in before. The whole sequence (0007-0015) becomes legible at this verse — the "suffering for a moment" is the social shame, the family rupture, the leaving of the sanctioned arrangement; the "unfailing inner-happiness" is what arrives on the other side. [T]

Verse 2 is the more cutting verse. सांडी मांडी मागें केल्या भरोवरी — the repeated dropping-and-picking-up — names the failure mode the speaker is no longer in. Before the decision, she had been cycling: stepping out of the sanctioned arrangement, then back into it; trying compromises; testing half-measures. The result of that cycling, Tukaram says, was more suffering, not less. The half-measure is not a third option; it is the worst option, because it inherits the cost of both alternatives. The full decision, with brief intense pain, is mathematically cheaper than the long indecision. [T]

The closing — येणें जाणें नाहीं आतां — no more coming-and-going — is the abhang's quiet thesis. Tukaram has stopped moving. Not because of laziness or fatigue, but because the place at the Infinite's feet has been arrived at and there is now nowhere else to go. The cessation of motion is the rest. [T]

For someone today

English: This is the abhang for the moment when you realize the indecision itself has been the source of your suffering. You have been holding two options open for years — a relationship, a career, a faith, a lifestyle — and the holding-open has cost more than either choice would have cost. सांडी मांडी मागें केल्या भरोवरी, अधिक चि परी दुःखाचिया — the repeated drop-and-pickup only adds to suffering. Tukaram is naming the half-measure as itself the suffering. The way out is not finding a smarter half-measure; the way out is the brief intense pain of actual decision, in exchange for the long unfailing rest of not having to cycle anymore.

This does not always mean leaving. Sometimes the decision is to fully commit to what you've been only half-in. Sometimes it is to leave. Tukaram does not tell you which. He tells you the structure: one moment of bad, then unfailing rest is the deal you should be looking for, and the push-pull cycling is the deal you should refuse. The push-pull feels safer (each individual swing seems small) but it is more expensive than the decision (the swings accumulate). The math is in this verse.

The third verse names what arrives. येणें जाणें नाहीं आतां — no coming-and-going now. The settled body. If you are wondering whether you have actually decided, the diagnostic is whether the moving has stopped. If you are still rehearsing the alternative in your head, you have not yet decided; you are still cycling, just internally. The decision is real when the cycling stops, not when the announcement is made.

मराठी: ही ओवी अशा क्षणासाठी आहे जेव्हा तुम्हाला कळतं की अनिर्णयच तुमच्या दुःखाचा स्रोत होता. तुम्ही वर्षानुवर्षं दोन पर्याय खुले ठेवले आहेत — नातं, करिअर, श्रद्धा, जीवनशैली — आणि खुलं ठेवणं हेच कोणत्याही एका निर्णयापेक्षा महाग पडलं. सांडी मांडी मागें केल्या भरोवरी, अधिक चि परी दुःखाचिया — पुन्हा-पुन्हा सोडणं-धरणं फक्त दुःख वाढवतं. तुकाराम half-measure ला स्वतःलाच दुःख म्हणतायत. वाट smart-er half-measure शोधण्याची नाही; वाट खऱ्या निर्णयाच्या क्षणभर तीव्र वेदनेची आहे — पुन्हा-पुन्हा फिरण्याच्या न-होणाऱ्या अव्यवस्थित विश्रांतीच्या बदल्यात.

याचा अर्थ नेहमी "सोडणं" नाही. कधी निर्णय हा पूर्ण समर्पण असतो — जिथे तुम्ही अर्धवट होतात तिथे पूर्ण व्हा. कधी तो "जाणं" असतो. तुकाराम हे सांगत नाहीत. ते रचना सांगतात: एका क्षणाची वाईट, मग अवीट विश्रांती — हाच deal तुम्ही शोधत आहात; पुश-पुल चक्र तुम्ही नाकारायचा deal आहे. पुश-पुल सुरक्षित वाटतं (प्रत्येक झोका छोटा), पण निर्णयापेक्षा महाग आहे (झोके जमा होतात). गणित या ओवीत आहे.

तिसरी ओवी सांगते काय येतं. येणें जाणें नाहीं आतां — आता येणं-जाणं नाही. स्थिर शरीर. तुम्ही खरंच निर्णय घेतला का हे तपासायचं असेल, तर निदान — हालचाल थांबली का? तुम्ही अजून दुसरा पर्याय डोक्यात फिरवत असाल, तर निर्णय झाला नाही; तुम्ही अजून फिरताहात — फक्त आतून. निर्णय खरा होतो जेव्हा फिरणं थांबतं, घोषणा होते तेव्हा नाही.

Where this applies

• When you've been in an indecision cycle for years. Tukaram's diagnostic is mathematical: the cycle is more expensive than the decision. If you have been cycling, the suffering you are paying is not the alternative to the suffering of decision — it is more than it. The decision's brief intense pain is the cheaper option you have been refusing.

• When you're tempted to try a half-measure and you have to ask whether half-measures are the alternative or a third worst option. Tukaram's claim is unflattering: half-measures inherit the cost of both alternatives without securing the rest of either. They feel like wisdom but they are usually fear.

• When you're at the end of a long-fought decision and you suddenly notice that the cessation of fighting is itself the rest you were looking for. येणें जाणें नाहीं आतां. Trust the cessation. It is not boredom; it is the rest the cycle was preventing.

Related verses

• Abhanga 9 — English: This abhang is the verse for the moment after a real life-direction choice. Most
• Abhanga 11 — Once you have left, the next discipline is becoming deaf to the people who keep calling yo
• Abhanga 12 — When a single thing has come to occupy your whole heart, the polarities that used to organ
• Abhanga 13 — The strength a bhakta wields is not their own. It is borrowed from the strongest, by being