Abhanga 19
Real paths are not democratic. The honest thing — sometimes the loving thing — is to tell people who would come along that they cannot, because the cost would break them.
The verse
मजसवें आतां येऊं नका कोणी । सासुरवासिनी बाइयानो ॥१॥ न साहवे तुम्हां या जनाची कूट । बोलती वाईट ओखटें तें ॥२॥ तुका म्हणे जालों उदास मोकळ्या । विचरों गोवळ्यासवें आम्ही ॥३॥
(Source: transliteral.org Sant Tukaram Gatha, abhang 19. Thirteenth in 0007-0020+ gopī-arc.)
Literal translation
English: Don't come with me now, any of you, O wives-of-the-sasura, O women. You cannot bear the people's gossip; they speak vile and foul things. Tuka says: we have become free and indifferent — we will roam with the cowherd ourselves.
मराठी (आधुनिक): आता माझ्याबरोबर येऊ नका कोणी, सासुरवासिनी बायांनो. लोकांची ओखटी बोलणी तुम्ही सहन करू शकणार नाही; ते वाईट, ओखटं बोलतात. तुकाराम म्हणतात — आम्ही उदास, मोकळ्या झालो; गोवळ्यासोबत आम्ही फिरू.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| मजसवें आतां येऊं नका कोणी | "do not come with me now, any of you" |
| सासुरवासिनी बाइयानो | "O wives-residing-in-the-husband's-house, women" — the speaker is addressing married women (her former peer group) |
| न साहवे तुम्हां या जनाची कूट | "you cannot bear this people's gossip / cruelty" (कूट = harsh speech, deception, low cunning) |
| बोलती वाईट ओखटें तें | "they speak vile, foul things" (ओखटें = harsh, sour, foul) |
| जालों उदास मोकळ्या | "we have become free, indifferent" (मोकळ्या = unbound, free) |
| विचरों गोवळ्यासवें आम्ही | "we will roam with the cowherd (Krishna)" (गोवळा = cowherd; the affectionate Krishnaite name) |
What it means
The arc takes a hard turn here. The speaker is now addressing her former peer group — सासुरवासिनी बाइयानो, married women living at the husband's house — and refusing them as companions on the path. The reason is concrete: न साहवे तुम्हां या जनाची कूट — you cannot bear this people's harsh talk. The path costs the public ridicule that 0007-0010 made the speaker willing to bear; she is recognizing that her former peers have not yet undergone what would make them able to bear it. Telling them not to come is the kindness. [T]
This is bhakti's anti-evangelist note. The speaker does not invite. She un-invites. The path is real but it requires that the bhakta have already been broken open by what 0007-0018 describe; without that breaking, the public ridicule will simply destroy the would-be follower without producing the bhakti-arrival. So the loving thing is the warning: do not come with me. [T]
The closing — विचरों गोवळ्यासवें आम्ही — we will roam with the cowherd ourselves — restates the speaker's solitary-with-Krishna position. The "ourselves" is firm. This is not a mass movement. It is one person and the cowherd, in the woods. [Tradition]
For someone today
English: Modern spiritual culture is implicitly evangelist — it assumes that what works for you should be shared, taught, scaled, made-accessible. Tukaram's gopī takes the opposite stance. She actively refuses to bring her former peer group along, because she knows what the path will cost them and she knows they have not yet undergone what would make them able to pay. The refusal is not arrogance; it is honesty.
There is a moment many people on long-cost paths reach where a friend or family member starts to romanticize the choice and imagine making it themselves. The temptation is to say "yes, come along, we can do it together." Tukaram's verse is for that exact moment. The honest thing — and the loving thing — is sometimes to say no, please don't, this is not what you think. The cost is not visible from the outside. From the outside the choice looks like freedom; from the inside (read 0007-0010 if you forgot) it costs the structure of one's life. To bring someone unprepared into that cost is to harm them.
The diagnostic for whether to invite or to un-invite: can the would-be companion bear what 0007-0018 describe? If they have already had identity-loss, social shame, deafness-to-recall, ended-cycling — they may be ready. If they are romanticizing it from the outside, they are not. The loving move is the warning.
मराठी: आधुनिक आध्यात्मिक संस्कृती गुप्तपणे evangelist आहे — असं गृहित धरतं की तुमच्यासाठी जे चालतं ते share, teach, scale, accessible केलंच पाहिजे. तुकारामांची गोपी उलट भूमिका घेते. ती आपल्या आधीच्या peer group ला सक्रियपणे आणू नकोय म्हणते — कारण तिला माहीत आहे मार्ग त्यांना काय किंमत मागेल आणि अजून त्यांच्यात ती किंमत भरू शकेल अशी तयारी झाली नाही. नकार अहंकार नाही; प्रामाणिकपणा आहे.
लांब-किंमत-च्या-वाटेवर असणाऱ्या अनेकांना असा क्षण येतो जेव्हा एखादा मित्र किंवा कुटुंबीय त्यांच्या निवडीला रोमांचक रूप देतो आणि स्वतः ती करायला कल्पना करतो. मोह असतो — "हो, ये, आपण एकत्र करू." तुकारामांची ही ओवी त्या क्षणासाठी आहे. प्रामाणिक गोष्ट — आणि प्रेमाची गोष्ट — कधी कधी असते "नको, कृपया नको, हे तू समजतेस तसं नाही". किंमत बाहेरून दिसत नाही. बाहेरून निवड स्वातंत्र्य वाटते; आतून (०००७-००१० विसरले असाल तर पुन्हा वाचा) ती जीवनाची संरचनाच मागते. तयार नसलेल्या कुणाला त्या किंमतीत आणणं म्हणजे त्याला हानी करणं.
आमंत्रण द्यायचं की नाकारायचं याचं निदान: would-be companion ने ०००७-००१८ चं वर्णन सहन केलंय का? त्यांची ओळख गेली, सामाजिक लाज सोसली, परत बोलावण्याला बहिरे झाले, चक्र थांबलं — असेल तर तयार असू शकतात. ते बाहेरून रोमांचित होत असतील — तर तयार नाहीत. प्रेमाची हालचाल इशारा आहे.
Where this applies
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When someone wants to follow you onto a difficult path. Tukaram's diagnostic: have they already paid what the path costs in advance? If not, the loving thing is the warning, not the welcome.
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When you've been tempted to publicly share a practice that has changed your life. The question is not whether the practice is good. It is whether sharing it exposes the unprepared to costs without the corresponding benefit. Sometimes silence is the more loving share.
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When you realize a friend is romanticizing the choice you made. Stop them. Kindly. The romance is more dangerous than the original cost.