Abhanga 2664
Longing to see God and living in a way that earns it are different things, so Tukaram honestly admits his outer discipline outran his inner change and asks God to take his side anyway.
The verse
तुज पाहावें हे धरितों वासना । परि आचरणा नाहीं ठाव ॥१॥
करिसी कैवार आपुलिया सत्ता । तरि च देखता होइन पाय ॥ध्रु.॥
बाहिरल्या वेषें उत्तम दंडलें । भीतरी मुंडलें नाहीं तैसें ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे वांयां गेलों च मी आहे । जरि तुम्ही साहे न व्हा देवा ॥३॥
Literal translation
To see you — I hold this vāsanā (wish, desire); but to āchaṇā (conduct, practice) there is no place. If you carry the kaivāra (favor, partisan-help) by your own sattā (authority) — then I shall become a pāya-dēkhatā (feet-seer). By outer-vēṣa (garb), I have been excellently disciplined (daṇḍalē); inside, I have not been muṇḍalē (shaven, made-bald-as-an-ascetic) so. Tukā says: I have gone in vain (vāyām gēlōm) — if you do not become my sāhē (help), Deva.
What it means
A short, candid confession-prayer. Tuja pāhāvē hē dharitōm vāsanā — pari āchaṇām nāhī ṭhāva — I hold the wish to see you — but to conduct there is no place. The bhakta's wish (vāsanā) is real, but the āchaṇā (concrete-conduct that would qualify him for the seeing) has no place — no foothold, no actuality. The wish-and-conduct have come apart.
The dhrūpada: karisi kaivāra āpuliyā sattā — tari chi dekhatā hōīna pāya — if you carry the favor by your own authority — then I shall become a feet-seer. Kaivāra (siding-with, partisan-favor, advocacy) — the bhakta asks the Lord to take-his-side by the Lord's own authority, not on the basis of the bhakta's qualifications.
The second verse names the honest diagnosis: bāhiralyā vēṣē uttama daṇḍalē — bhītarī muṇḍalē nāhī taisē — by outer-garb, I have been excellently disciplined (daṇḍalē = struck/restrained-by-discipline); inside I have not been shaven (muṇḍalē = made-bald-as-an-ascetic) so. The image is from monastic-formation: the outer-discipline (the robe, the rules, the daṇḍa-of-rules) has been excellent; but the inner-discipline (muṇḍana = shaving-of-the-head, the symbolic letting-go-of-attachments) has not happened so (i.e., to the same degree). This is the honest confession of outer-religious-discipline-without-inner-renunciation.
The close: vāyām gēlōm chi mī āhē — jari tumhī sāhē na vhā Devā — I have gone in vain, I am — if you do not become my help, Deva. Without the Lord's sāhā (help, support), the outer-disciplined-but-inner-unshaven bhakta has gone vāyām (in vain). The bhakta does not pretend his outer-discipline is sufficient.
For someone today
A precise honest-confession prayer for anyone whose outer-discipline has been excellent but whose inside has not been shaven so. The verse hands you the honest language: I hold the wish to see you, but conduct gives no place; I have been excellently disciplined outside but not shaven inside; if you do not carry the favor by your own authority, I have gone in vain. The petition is not for more outer-discipline; it is for the Lord to take-the-side of one who has not earned-the-seeing. This is bhakti's specific contribution: the asking can be honest about insufficiency without giving up the asking.
Where this applies
- The honest confession of outer-discipline-without-inner-shaving
- Asking the Lord to take-one's-side by his own authority, not by qualifying-merit
- Recognizing the bāhirala vēṣa — uttama daṇḍalē — bhītarī muṇḍalē nāhī taisē pattern
- The petition that one has gone in vain without the protector's help