Abhanga 3121
Pañchabhūtāñciye sāmpaḍalōm samdīm — I have fallen in the samdī of pañchabhūta; ghātalōmse bamdīm ahamkāre — I have been thrown into bandī by ahamkāra.
The verse
पंचभूतांचिये सांपडलों संदीं । घातलोंसे बंदीं अहंकारें ॥१॥
आपल्या आपण बांधविला गळा । नेणें चि निराळा असतां हो ॥ध्रु.॥
कासया हा सत्य लेखिला संसार । कां हे केले चार माझें माझें ॥२॥
कां नाहीं शरण गेलों नारायणा । कां नाहीं वासना आवरिली ॥३॥
किंचित सुखाचा धरिला अभिळास । तेणें बहु नास केला पुढें ॥४॥
तुका म्हणे आतां देह देऊं बळी । करुनि सांडूं होळी संचिताची ॥५॥
Literal translation
Pañchabhūtāñciye sāmpaḍalōm samdīm — I have fallen in the samdī of pañchabhūta; ghātalōmse bamdīm ahamkāre — I have been thrown into bandī by ahamkāra. Āpalyā āpaṇa bāmdhavilā gaḷā — by my own (hand), I bound (my) throat; neṇe chi nirāḷā asatām hō — not realizing that I am nirāḷā. Kāsayā hā satya lekhilā samsāra — why did I write samsāra as satya; kām he kele chāra mājhe mājhe — why these chāra of mine-mine. Kām nāhī śaraṇa gelōm Nārāyaṇā — why didn't (I) go for śaraṇa to Nārāyaṇa; kām nāhī vāsanā āvarilī — why didn't (I) restrain vāsanā. Kimchita sukhāñcā dharilā abhiḷāsa — I grasped a tiny sukha with abhilāṣa; teṇe bahu nāsa kelā puḍhe — that caused much nāsa ahead. Tukā mhaṇe ātām deha deūm baḷī — Tukā says: now let me give deha as baḷi; karunī sāṇḍūm hōḷī samchitāñcī — and let me make hōḷī of samchita.
What it means
★ A striking 5-verse self-criticism text by Tukārām.
The argument-arc: 1. I-fell-in-pañchabhūta-trap; bound-in-prison-by-ahamkāra 2. Bound-my-own-throat; didn't-realize-I-am-niraḷa (separate from body) 3. Why-take-samsāra-as-satya? why-the-talk-of-mine-mine? 4. Why-didn't-go-for-śaraṇa? why-didn't-restrain-vāsanā? 5. Tiny-sukha-grasped-with-desire caused-much-nāsa ahead 6. Now: give-deha-as-baḷi; throw-samchita-into-hōḷī
★ The self-criticism is unsparing — the bhakta-recognizes every-self-imposed-limitation and-decides-on-radical-self-sacrifice. The image give-deha-as-baḷi, make-hōḷī-of-samchita is the radical-renunciation-resolve.
Compare-Tukārām's 3038 (grasp-feet-tight-after-many-births' effort; jīva-as-baḷi, hōḷī-samsāra).
For someone today
Tukārām's self-criticism. I have fallen in the trap of the five-elements; I have been thrown into prison by ahamkāra. By my own (hand), I have bound (my) throat — not realizing that I am separate. Why did I write the samsāra as satya? Why these talks of mine, mine? Why did I not go for refuge to Nārāyaṇa? Why did I not restrain vāsanā? I grasped at a tiny sukha with desire — and that caused much destruction ahead. Now, let me give (this) deha as sacrifice — and make a bonfire of (the) samchita. The verse permits the unsparing-self-criticism-and-radical-renunciation-resolve.
Where this applies
- ★ Striking 5-verse self-criticism with body-as-baḷi closing
- Companion to 3038
- Give-deha-as-baḷi; hōḷī-of-samchita radical-renunciation-resolve