Abhanga 3121
Tukaram's honest self-criticism shows that ego and unchecked craving trap us in a false reality, and true change requires surrendering fully and burning away what we've accumulated.
The verse
पंचभूतांचिये सांपडलों संदीं । घातलोंसे बंदीं अहंकारें ॥१॥
आपल्या आपण बांधविला गळा । नेणें चि निराळा असतां हो ॥ध्रु.॥
कासया हा सत्य लेखिला संसार । कां हे केले चार माझें माझें ॥२॥
कां नाहीं शरण गेलों नारायणा । कां नाहीं वासना आवरिली ॥३॥
किंचित सुखाचा धरिला अभिळास । तेणें बहु नास केला पुढें ॥४॥
तुका म्हणे आतां देह देऊं बळी । करुनि सांडूं होळी संचिताची ॥५॥
Literal translation
Pañchabhūtāñciye sāmpaḍalōm samdīm — I have fallen in the samdī of pañchabhūta; ghātalōmse bamdīm ahamkāre — I have been thrown into bandī by ahamkāra. Āpalyā āpaṇa bāmdhavilā gaḷā — by my own (hand), I bound (my) throat; neṇe chi nirāḷā asatām hō — not realizing that I am nirāḷā. Kāsayā hā satya lekhilā samsāra — why did I write samsāra as satya; kām he kele chāra mājhe mājhe — why these chāra of mine-mine. Kām nāhī śaraṇa gelōm Nārāyaṇā — why didn't (I) go for śaraṇa to Nārāyaṇa; kām nāhī vāsanā āvarilī — why didn't (I) restrain vāsanā. Kimchita sukhāñcā dharilā abhiḷāsa — I grasped a tiny sukha with abhilāṣa; teṇe bahu nāsa kelā puḍhe — that caused much nāsa ahead. Tukā mhaṇe ātām deha deūm baḷī — Tukā says: now let me give deha as baḷi; karunī sāṇḍūm hōḷī samchitāñcī — and let me make hōḷī of samchita.
What it means
A striking 5-verse self-criticism text by Tukārām.
The argument-arc: 1. I-fell-in-pañchabhūta-trap; bound-in-prison-by-ahamkāra 2. Bound-my-own-throat; didn't-realize-I-am-niraḷa (separate from body) 3. Why-take-samsāra-as-satya? why-the-talk-of-mine-mine? 4. Why-didn't-go-for-śaraṇa? why-didn't-restrain-vāsanā? 5. Tiny-sukha-grasped-with-desire caused-much-nāsa ahead 6. Now: give-deha-as-baḷi; throw-samchita-into-hōḷī
The self-criticism is unsparing — the bhakta-recognizes every-self-imposed-limitation and-decides-on-radical-self-sacrifice. The image give-deha-as-baḷi, make-hōḷī-of-samchita is the radical-renunciation-resolve.
Compare-Tukārām's 3038 (grasp-feet-tight-after-many-births' effort; jīva-as-baḷi, hōḷī-samsāra).
For someone today
Tukārām's self-criticism. I have fallen in the trap of the five-elements; I have been thrown into prison by ahamkāra. By my own (hand), I have bound (my) throat — not realizing that I am separate. Why did I write the samsāra as satya? Why these talks of mine, mine? Why did I not go for refuge to Nārāyaṇa? Why did I not restrain vāsanā? I grasped at a tiny sukha with desire — and that caused much destruction ahead. Now, let me give (this) deha as sacrifice — and make a bonfire of (the) samchita. The verse offers this unsparing self-criticism together with a radical resolve to renounce everything.
मराठी: तुकाराम स्वतःवर कठोर टीका करतात. मी पंचभूतांच्या सापळ्यात अडकलो, अहंकाराने मला बंदिवान केले. मीच माझ्या हाताने स्वतःचा गळा बांधला, आणि मी देहापासून वेगळा आहे हे मला उमगलेच नाही. संसाराला मी खरे का मानले? माझे-माझे म्हणत का राहिलो? नारायणाला शरण का गेलो नाही? वासनेला आवर का घातला नाही? क्षणिक सुखाचा हव्यास धरला आणि त्यानेच पुढे खूप नाश केला. आता तुकाराम म्हणतात, हा देह मी बळी देतो आणि आजवर साठवलेल्या सर्व संचिताची होळी करतो. अशा प्रकारे हा अभंग निर्भीड आत्मपरीक्षण आणि सर्वस्वाचा त्याग करण्याचा दृढ निश्चय व्यक्त करतो.
Where this applies
- Striking 5-verse self-criticism with body-as-baḷi closing
- Companion to 3038
- Give-deha-as-baḷi; hōḷī-of-samchita radical-renunciation-resolve