Abhanga 3553
Uncertain silence meant to spare someone's feelings can hurt more than an honest answer, because a mind left guessing suffers more than one told the plain truth.
The verse
कासया हो माझा राखिला लौकिक । निवाड कां एक केला नाहीं ॥१॥
मग तळमळ न करितें मन । जालें तें कारण कळों येतें ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे केला पाहिजे निवाड । वइदासी भीड मरणें रोग्या ॥३॥
Literal translation
Kāsayā hō mājhā rākhilā laukika — why was my laukika preserved; nivāḍa kām eka kelā nāhī — why not one nivāḍa done. Maga taḷamaḷa na karite mana — then mind wouldn't toss; jāle te kāraṇa kaḷōm yete — the cause of what happened would come to knowing. Tukā mhaṇe kelā pāhije nivāḍa — Tukā says: nivāḍa must be done; vaidāsī bhīḍa maraṇe rōgyā — vaidya with bhīḍa, the rōgī dies.
What it means
A 3-verse protest. The striking vaidya-bhīḍa image: a doctor too-deferential (or hesitant) lets-the-patient-die. Tukārām asks-the-Lord: don't-be-deferential-give-the-verdict (yes-or-no), or-the-patient-(my-mind)-dies-from-tossing.
For someone today
Tukaram asks bluntly why God kept protecting his outward reputation instead of just giving him a clear answer, yes or no. He says that if he only knew the cause, one way or the other, his mind would finally stop churning in uncertainty. He uses a sharp image to make his point, a doctor who is too polite or hesitant to speak the hard truth ends up letting the patient die. Sometimes, he's saying, kindness that avoids a clear decision does more harm than an honest, difficult answer would.
मराठी: तुकाराम स्पष्ट शब्दांत विचारतात की माझी वरवरची प्रतिष्ठा जपण्याऐवजी देवाने मला स्पष्ट उत्तर, हो किंवा नाही, का दिले नाही. एकदा का कारण कळले, कोणतेही असो, तर मनाची तगमग थांबेल असे ते म्हणतात. आपला मुद्दा ठसवण्यासाठी ते एक तीव्र उदाहरण देतात, एखादा वैद्य कठोर सत्य सांगायला संकोच करतो आणि त्यामुळे रोगी मरतो. कधीकधी स्पष्ट निर्णय टाळणारी सौम्यता, प्रामाणिक पण कठीण उत्तरापेक्षा जास्त नुकसान करते, असे ते सुचवतात.
Where this applies
- When someone avoids giving you a clear answer out of politeness, leaving you stuck in anxious uncertainty
- When you'd rather hear a hard truth than keep guessing at what's really going on
- When a doctor, boss, or loved one softens bad news so much that it stops being useful
- When silence meant to spare your feelings ends up hurting you more than honesty would