Abhanga 1248
When you have waited faithfully and feel strung along with no real reward, it is honest and allowed to voice that ache directly instead of pretending it does not hurt.
The verse
ऐसी वाट पाहे कांहीं निरोप कां मूळ । कां हे कळवळ तुज उमटे चि ना ॥१॥ आवो पांडुरंगे पंढरीचे निवासे । लावूनियां आस चाळवूनी ठेविलें ॥ध्रु.॥ काय जन्मा येवूनियां केली म्यां जोडी । ऐसें घडीघडी चित्तां येतें आठवूं ॥२॥ तुका म्हणे खरा न पवे चि विभाग । धिकारितें जग हें चि लाहों हिशोबें ॥३॥
Literal translation
I wait such — for some nirōpa or mūḷa — or does this kaḷavaḷa not arise in you? O Pāṇḍurangē, dweller of Paṇḍharī — you've set āsa and kept (me) bobbing. What jōḍī have I made coming to (this) janma? — moment-by-moment comes to the citta. Tuka says: the true vibhāga doesn't come at all — the world despises me — this is what I gain in the hisāba.
मराठी: अशी वाट पाहते — कांहीं निरोप, कां मूळ? — हा कळवळ तुला उमटतच नाहीं? आवो पांडुरंगे — पंढरीच्या निवासे — आस लावून — चाळवून ठेवलें. ह्या जन्मांत येऊन — मी काय जोडी केली? — हें घडीं-घडीं चित्तांत येऊन आठवायला होतें. Tukā म्हणे — खरा विभाग पावत-च नाहीं — जग धिकार करतें — हाच मी हिशोबात लाहो (मिळवतो) आहें.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| ऐसी वाट पाहे कांहीं निरोप कां मूळ | "I wait such — for some nirōpa (message) or mūḷa (fetcher)" |
| कां हे कळवळ तुज उमटे चि ना | "or does this kaḷavaḷa (longing-pain) not arise (umaṭē) in you?" |
| आवो पांडुरंगे पंढरीचे निवासे | "O (āvō) Pāṇḍurangē, dweller (nivāsē) of Paṇḍharī" |
| लावूनियां आस चाळवूनी ठेविलें | "having set āsa, you have kept (me) cāḷavūnī (rocking/bobbing)" |
| काय जन्मा येवूनियां केली म्यां जोडी | "what jōḍī (gain) have I made coming to (this) janma?" |
| ऐसें घडीघडी चित्तां येतें आठवूं | "such — moment-by-moment — comes to citta to remember" |
| खरा न पवे चि विभाग | "the true vibhāga (share) doesn't come (at all)" |
| धिकारितें जग हें चि लाहों हिशोबें | "the world dhikārī-s (despises) — this is what I lāhō (get) in the hisāba" |
What it means
Sāsuravāsa 2 of 8 — the mūḷa image. In Marathi marriage tradition, when a bride is sent to her sāsurī (in-laws), her māhera (parents' house) sends a mūḷa — a family-messenger or younger brother — to fetch her home for major festivals (Sankrānta, Diwāḷī, especially Akṣayatṛtīyā). Until the mūḷa comes, the bride waits vāṭa pāhē — watching the road.
The bhakta as bride waits for some nirōpa (message) or the mūḷa. Hari's silence is the silence of the māhera that hasn't sent for her. Kām hē kaḷavaḷa tuja umaṭē chi nā — does this kaḷavaḷa (longing-pain) not arise in you (the māhera-side)?
The complaint expands: lāvūniyām āsa cāḷavūnī ṭhēvilēm — you set āsa and kept me cāḷavūnī (rocking, like a child or boat in the cradle/water). The bhakta is suspended in expectation, neither here nor there.
The closing accounting (Tuka the merchant returns): kharā na pavē chi vibhāga — the true vibhāga (rightful share) doesn't come; what I get in the hisāba is jaga dhikārī (world's contempt). The māhera's silence is read as the bride's social diminishment.
[T]
For someone today
For today: when Hari's silence keeps you bobbing in suspended hope — speak the bride's complaint; ask whether the kaḷavaḷa rises in him too.
Where this applies
- When you keep checking for a message, a call, or a sign that never seems to come from someone you love
- When you feel strung along with just enough hope to keep waiting but no real resolution in sight
- When people around you notice your long wait and quietly judge or pity you for it
- When you want to honestly ask God or someone dear why they seem silent while you are aching