Abhanga 1250
When your good qualities make your selfishness more visible rather than less, that contrast is itself part of how you are being patiently raised and taught.
The verse
जळो माझें कर्म वायां केली कटकट । जालें तैसें तंट नाहीं आलें अनुभवा ॥१॥ आता पुढें धीर काय देऊं या मना । ऐसें नारायणा प्रेरिलें तें पाहिजे ॥ध्रु.॥ गुणवंत केलों दोष जाणायासाठीं । माझें माझें पोटीं बळकट दूषण ॥२॥ तुका म्हणे अहो केशीराजा दयाळा । बरवा हा लळा पाळियेला शेवटीं ॥३॥
Literal translation
Burn my karma — vain trouble — what is — has not come to anubhava. Now what dhīra ahead can I give this mind? Nārāyaṇa, (do) whatever you've impelled. (You) made me guṇavanta — to know my dōṣa — themine-minein my pōṭa is strong dūṣaṇa. Tuka says: O Kēśirāja-dayāḷu — well — this laḷā you have nurtured at last.
मराठी: जळो माझें कर्म — वायां केली कटकट — झालेलें (तंट) अनुभवांत आलें नाहीं. आतां पुढें मनाला कुठला धीर देऊं? — नारायणा — जें-कांहीं तू प्रेरितोस — तेंच (पाहिजे). मला गुणवंत केलें — दोष जाणण्या-साठीं — माझ्या पोटीं हा "माझें-माझें" बळकट दूषण आहे. Tukā म्हणे — अहो केशीराजा-दयाळा — बरवा हा लळा शेवटीं तरी पाळियेला.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| जळो माझें कर्म वायां केली कटकट | "burn (jaḷō) my karma — vain (vāyām) trouble (kaṭakaṭa)" |
| जालें तैसें तंट नाहीं आलें अनुभवा | "what is (so) — taṇṭa (matter) hasn't come to anubhava" |
| आता पुढें धीर काय देऊं या मना | "now what dhīra ahead can I give this mind?" |
| ऐसें नारायणा प्रेरिलें तें पाहिजे | "Nārāyaṇa, do whatever you've impelled (prērilēm)" |
| गुणवंत केलों दोष जाणायासाठीं | "(you) made me guṇavanta — to know my dōṣa" |
| माझें माझें पोटीं बळकट दूषण | "(this) mine-mine in (my) pōṭa — is strong dūṣaṇa" |
| बरवा हा लळा पाळियेला शेवटीं | "well — this laḷā (pet/baby) you nurtured (pāḷiyēlā) at last (śēvaṭīm)" |
What it means
Sāsuravāsa 4 of 8 — self-recognition through Hari's pedagogy.
The opening is self-curse: jaḷō mājhē karma — burn my karma — vāyām kēlī kaṭakaṭa — vain trouble made. The disappointment: jālēm taisēm taṇṭa nāhīm ālēm anubhavā — what has-been hasn't come into experience — the bhakta's life has happened without him.
Then a striking insight: guṇavanta kēlōm dōṣa jāṇāyāsāṭīm — (you) made me guṇavanta only so that I should know my dōṣa. Hari's pedagogy: he gave the bhakta good qualities specifically so the bhakta would feel his own faults more keenly. Mājhē mājhē pōṭīm baḷakaṭa dūṣaṇa — my "mine-mine" in the pōṭa is strong dūṣaṇa — the mama-kāra (the I-mine) is the deepest dūṣaṇa, and only the guṇavanta-becoming exposes it.
The closing recognition: baravā hā laḷā pāḷiyēlā śēvaṭīm — well — you've nurtured this laḷā at last. Laḷā is a pet, a coddled child, the indulged one — pāḷiyēlā (nurtured) is the verb for raising. Despite all complaint, Hari has raised the laḷā at last; the bhakta's sāsuravāsa hasn't ended, but at least Hari has petted the laḷā at last.
[T]
For someone today
For today: Hari makes you guṇavanta only so you'll see your "mine-mine" — that pedagogy is itself the laḷā-pampering.
Where this applies
- When you realize your best qualities have also made you more aware of your own selfishness
- When your effort and complaints have not turned into any real change you can actually feel
- When you notice a stubborn habit of calling everything mine, my time, my credit, my way
- When you look back and see that you were cared for patiently despite years of complaining