Abhanga 524
You can refuse temptation with dignity by reframing the relationship and expressing real concern for the other person rather than fear for yourself.
The verse
पराविया नारी रखुमाईसमान । हें गेलें नेमून ठायींचें चि ॥१॥ जाई वो तूं माते न करीं सायास । आम्ही विष्णुदास नव्हों तैसे ॥ध्रु.॥ न साहावें मज तुझें हें पतन । नको हें वचन दुष्ट वदों ॥२॥ तुका म्हणे तुज पाहिजे भ्रतार । तरी काय नर थोडे जाले ॥३॥
Literal translation
Parāviyā-nārī — Rakhumāī-samāna — nēmūn from ṭhāyīmcē-cī. Go, māte — don't make sāyāsa — we are not Viṣṇu-dāsa of that kind. I can't bear Your patana — don't speak duṣṭa vacana. Tuka says: you need bharatāra — are nara so few?
मराठी: पराविया नारी रखुमाईसमान — हें गेलें नेमून ठायींचें चि. जाई वो तूं माते — न करीं सायास — आम्ही विष्णुदास नव्हों तैसे. न साहावें मज तुझें हें पतन — नको हें वचन दुष्ट वदों. तुकाराम म्हणतां — तुज पाहिजे भ्रतार — तरी काय नर थोडे जाले?
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| पराविया नारी रखुमाईसमान | "parāviyā-nārī — Rakhumāī-samāna" |
| हें गेलें नेमून ठायींचें चि | "nēmūn — from ṭhāyīmcē-cī" |
| जाई वो तूं माते न करीं सायास | "go, māte — don't make sāyāsa" |
| आम्ही विष्णुदास नव्हों तैसे | "we — not Viṣṇu-dāsa of that kind" |
| न साहावें मज तुझें हें पतन | "I can't bear — Your patana" |
| नको हें वचन दुष्ट वदों | "don't speak — duṣṭa vacana" |
| तुज पाहिजे भ्रतार | "you need — bharatāra" |
| तरी काय नर थोडे जाले | "are nara — thōḍē (few)?" |
What it means
A famous parāviyā-nārī-Rakhumāī-samāna abhang. The narrative-frame: a woman has approached Tukaram with seductive-intent; he rebuffs her by calling her mother and reminding her that other-men are plentiful if she needs a bharatāra. Four claims:
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पराविया नारी रखुमाईसमान — हें गेलें नेमून ठायींचें चि — parāviyā-nārī Rakhumāī-samāna — nēmūn from ṭhāyīmcē-cī. The opening-rule-claim: parāviyā-nārī (other-women, women-other-than-one's-own-wife)—Rakhumāī-samāna(equal-to-Rakhumāī, treated-as-Rakhumāī = Rukmiṇī, the consort-of-Viṣṇu, the divine-mother); this isnēmūn(settled, fixed) from theṭhāyīmcē-cī(very-place, very-beginning). Other-women-as-mother-from-the-very-start. Foundational-rule.
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जाई वो तूं माते न करीं सायास — आम्ही विष्णुदास नव्हों तैसे — go, māte — don't make sāyāsa — we are not Viṣṇu-dāsa of that kind. The rebuff-claim: go,māte(mother); don't makesāyāsa(effort, attempt); we are notViṣṇu-dāsaof that kind (= we are not the kind ofViṣṇu-bhakta who can be tempted).Calling-the-tempter-mother is the rebuff-strategy.We-are-not-that-kind.
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न साहावें मज तुझें हें पतन — नको हें वचन दुष्ट वदों — I can't bear Your patana — don't speak duṣṭa vacana. The protective-rebuff-claim: I cannotsāhāvē(bear, tolerate) Yourpatana(fall, downfall, moral-fall); don't speak (vadōm) suchduṣṭa vacana(wicked-words). I-can't-bear-your-fall — for-her-sake-not-mine. The bhakta is-protective-of-the-tempter-from-her-own-fall. (This is a remarkable-twist: the rebuff is framed as concern-for-her not for-him.)
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तुका म्हणे तुज पाहिजे भ्रतार — तरी काय नर थोडे जाले — Tuka says: you need bharatāra — are nara so few? The closing-biting-question: Tuka says: if you need abharatāra(husband, partner); arenara(men, males) sothōḍē(few, scarce)? If-you-need-a-husband-find-one-elsewhere; men-are-not-scarce. The biting-rebuff: don't waste-effort-here.
[T]
For someone today
In this verse a woman approaches Tukaram with seductive intent, and instead of responding with anger or fear of his own downfall, he calls her mother, which instantly reframes the relationship and closes the door without cruelty. His concern, he says, is not for his own reputation but for her, since he cannot bear to see her fall into wrongdoing, which turns a hard refusal into something protective. He also gives her plain, unsentimental advice rather than a moral lecture, pointing out that men are not scarce so there is no need to pursue this. It is a model for declining someone's advances with both firmness and genuine care for the other person.
मराठी: एका स्त्रीने तुकारामांना मोहात पाडण्याचा प्रयत्न केला, तेव्हा त्यांनी रागाने किंवा स्वतःच्या पडझडीच्या भीतीने प्रतिसाद दिला नाही. त्यांनी तिला 'माते' म्हणून हाक मारली आणि त्या एका शब्दाने सगळं नातंच बदलून, कठोर न होता दार बंद केलं. त्यांची काळजी स्वतःच्या प्रतिष्ठेची नव्हती, तर तिचं पतन होऊ नये याची होती, त्यामुळे हा नकारही आपुलकीचा आणि आदराचा ठरला. शिवाय उपदेश न देता त्यांनी साधा व्यवहारी सल्लाही दिला — पुरुषांची काही कमतरता नाही, त्यामुळे इथे प्रयत्न वाया घालवण्याची गरज नाही. एखाद्याचा प्रस्ताव स्पष्टपणे नाकारतानाही ठामपणा आणि माणुसकी दोन्ही कशी राखावी, याचं हे उदाहरण आहे.
Where this applies
- Parāviyā-nārī—Rakhumāī. Foundational-rule.
- Tempter as mother. Re-code-relation.
- Concern-for-her-fall. Morally-superior.
- Men plentiful — don't waste. Practical-rebuff.