Abhanga 2484
Real devotion can include anger and demand, not just sweetness, because a devotee who truly loves God can push back and cry out for a response.
The verse
तेरा दिवस जाले नश्चिक्र करितां । न पवसी अनंता मायबापा ॥१॥ पाषाणांची खोळ घेउनि बैसलासी । काय हृषीकेशी जालें तुज ॥ध्रु.॥ तुजवरी आतां प्राण मी तजीन । हत्या मी घालीन पांडुरंगा ॥२॥ फार विठाबाईं धरिली तुझी आस । करीन जीवा नास पांडुरंगा ॥३॥ तुका म्हणे आतां मांडिलें निर्वाण । प्राण हा सांडीन तुजवरी ॥४॥
Literal translation
13 days have passed in fasting — you don't reach, Ananta, mother-father. You've put on stone-armor and sat — what's happened to you, Hṛṣīkēśa. I'll abandon prāṇa for you — I'll pin hatyā on you, Pāṇḍurangā. Viṭhābā'ī — held your hope for long — will destroy my life, Pāṇḍurangā. Tuka says: now nirvāṇa-extremity is set — will abandon prāṇa on you.
What it means
THE 13-DAY-FAST + HATYĀ-THREAT ABHANG. Tukārām's most-celebrated protest-bhakti / fasting-strike text. Likely biographical.
THE OPENING: tērā divasa jālē naśchikra karitām — na pavasī Anantā māyabāpā — 13 days have passed in fasting — you don't reach, Ananta, mother-father. Naśchikra = fasting-vow, abstention. 13 days have-passed in-fasting; you-still-don't-arrive, Ananta-mother-father. A biographical-claim of-a-specific-fast.
THE STONE-ARMOR IMAGE: pāṣāṇāñchī khōḷa ghē'uni baisalāsī — kāya Hṛṣīkēśī jālē tuja — you've put on stone-armor and sat — what's happened to you, Hṛṣīkēśa. Khōḷa = armor, casing. You've-put-on-stone-armor and-sat-still; what-happened-to-you, Hṛṣīkēśa? A complaint that-the-Viṭhṭhal-image is-stone-not-responsive.
THE HATYĀ-THREAT: tujavarī ātām prāṇa mī tajīna — hatyā mī ghālīna Pāṇḍurangā — I'll abandon prāṇa for you — I'll pin hatyā on you, Pāṇḍurangā. Hatyā = murder-blame, specifically the-moral-guilt of-causing-someone's-death. I'll-abandon-prāṇa for-you; I'll-PIN-HATYĀ-ON-YOU, Pāṇḍurangā. A direct moral-suicide-threat — if-Tukārām-dies-fasting, the-hatyā-of-his-death will-be-pinned-on-Pāṇḍurangā.
HISTORICAL-CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE: This abhang is a celebrated protest-bhakti text. The combination of-13-day-specific-count + hatyā-threat suggests-a-biographical-incident. The hatyā-threat is the extreme-bhakti-leverage — using-the-Lord's-moral-reputation against-the-Lord. Comparable to satyāgraha (truth-force) — bhakti-as-non-violent-pressure-on-the-divine.
Companion abhangs: 2485 continues-this — I-fell-at-Puṇḍalīka's-feet; run, Hṛṣīkēśa, embrace me. Together they form a fasting-protest mini-cluster.
[T]
For someone today
For today: 13-days fasting — you still don't come; stone-armor sitting — what happened?; I'll pin hatyā on you, Pāṇḍurangā; nirvāṇa is set — will abandon prāṇa.
Where this applies
- When you have prayed or waited for something desperately for a long time and feel like the silence is unbearable
- When you are angry at God or life itself and feel guilty for that anger
- When you assume devotion has to look calm and polite instead of honest and raw
- When you need permission to bring your real feelings, including frustration and demand, into your spiritual practice