Abhanga 952
Tukaram admits something surprisingly human here, even the thought that God might be false shows up in his mind like a flicker of doubt, and it happened right in the middle of his own devoted practice, not off to the side of it. He describes his inner state as a formless heap, and the praise songs he sings start to feel like a tangled bundle rather than something clear. He is honest that there is no steady rhythm in him, his attention is restless and will not settle in one place. This verse says that doubt and restlessness can visit even a sincere practice, and naming them honestly is not a failure of faith.
The verse
लटिका ऐसा म्हणतां देव । संदेहसा वाटतसे ॥१॥ ऐसें आलें अनुभवा । मज ही सेवा करिता ॥ध्रु.॥ शून्याकारी बहु मोळा । भेंडोळा हे पवाडे ॥२॥ तुका म्हणे ताळी नाहीं । एके ठायीं चपळत्वें ॥३॥
Literal translation
Laṭikā — Dēva — sandēha-sā. Anubhava — sēvā. Śūnya-ākārī — mōḷā — bhēṇḍōḷā — pavāḍē. Tuka says: tāḷī — none — capaḷatvē.
मराठी: "लटिका ऐसा" म्हणतां देव — संदेह-सा वाटतसे. असें माझ्या अनुभवा आलें — मी ही सेवा करितां. शून्याकारी बहु मोळा — भेंडोळा हे पवाडे. Tuka म्हणे: ताळी नाहीं — एके-ठायीं चपळत्वें.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| लटिका ऐसा म्हणतां देव | "laṭikā — Dēva" |
| संदेहसा वाटतसे | "sandēha-sā" |
| ऐसें आलें अनुभवा | "anubhava" |
| मज ही सेवा करिता | "sēvā" |
| शून्याकारी बहु मोळा | "śūnya-ākārī — mōḷā" |
| भेंडोळा हे पवाडे | "bhēṇḍōḷā — pavāḍē" |
| ताळी नाहीं | "tāḷī" |
| एके ठायीं चपळत्वें | "capaḷatvē" |
What it means
A saying-Dēva-is-false-feels-like-doubt-this-came-into-my-anubhava-while-doing-sēvā-in-the-śūnya-form-much-collection-pavāḍas-are-tangle-no-rhythm-restless-in-one-place abhang. Anxious-doubt-of-Dēva register. Three claims:
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लटिका-म्हणतां-देव — संदेह-सा. Saying-Dēva-false-feels-doubt-claim. Saying thatDēvaislaṭikā—feels like sandēha. To-call-Dēva-false-itself-creates-doubt-in-the-mind. (Subtle: even thinking-Dēva-is-false introduces doubt, since one is then-doubting one's-own-doubt.)
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अनुभव-सेवा-करितां — शून्याकारी-मोळा — भेंडोळा-पवाडे. In-anubhava-while-sēvā-much-tangled-claim. This came intoanubhava; even while I was doingsēvā; in theśūnya-ākāra, muchmōḷā; thepavāḍas arebhēṇḍōḷā. Doubt-came-during-very-sēvā; the praise-songs (= pavāḍa-s) seem-like-a-tangle-of-collected-stuff-on-empty-form.
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Tuka: ताळी-नाहीं — एके-ठायीं-चपळत्वें. No-rhythm-restless-claim. Tuka says: notāḷī; restless in any oneṭhāyī. No-stable-rhythm; mind-jumps-around.
[T]
For someone today
Tukaram admits something surprisingly human here, even the thought that God might be false shows up in his mind like a flicker of doubt, and it happened right in the middle of his own devoted practice, not off to the side of it. He describes his inner state as a formless heap, and the praise songs he sings start to feel like a tangled bundle rather than something clear. He is honest that there is no steady rhythm in him, his attention is restless and will not settle in one place. This verse says that doubt and restlessness can visit even a sincere practice, and naming them honestly is not a failure of faith.
मराठी: तुकाराम इथे एक अगदी मानवी गोष्ट कबूल करतात, देव खोटा आहे असा विचारसुद्धा त्यांच्या मनात संदेहासारखा चमकून जातो, आणि हे त्यांच्या सेवेच्या बाहेर नाही तर तिच्या मध्येच घडतं. ते स्वतःच्या मनाची अवस्था शून्यासारखी, ढिगासारखी वर्णन करतात, आणि जे भजन-पवाडे ते गातात तेही एखाद्या गुंतागुंतीच्या गाठोड्यासारखे वाटू लागतात. ते प्रामाणिकपणे सांगतात की त्यांच्या मनाला काही ताळ नाही, ते चंचल आहे आणि एका जागी स्थिर राहत नाही. ही ओवी सांगते की श्रद्धाळू साधनेतही संदेह आणि अस्वस्थता येऊ शकते, आणि ते प्रामाणिकपणे मान्य करणं हा श्रद्धेचा पराभव नाही.
Where this applies
- Self-doubt. Saying-Dēva-false.
- Doubt-amid-sēvā. Painful-truth.
- Restless. No-rhythm.