Abhanga 1007
Naming your honest doubt about whether you will be accepted, seen, heard, or remembered is itself a real form of devotion, not a failure of it.
The verse
करिसी कीं न करिसी माझा अंगीकार । हा मज विचार पडिला देवा ॥१॥ देसी कीं न देसी पायांचें दर्शन । म्हणऊनि मन स्थिर नाहीं ॥ध्रु.॥ बोलसी कीं न बोलसी मजसवें देवा । म्हणोनियां जीवा भय वाटे ॥२॥ होईंल कीं न होय तुज माझा आठव । पडिला संदेह हा चि मज ॥३॥ तुका म्हणे मी कमाईंचे हीण । म्हणऊनि सीण करीं देवा ॥४॥
Literal translation
Will-you-or-won't-you — angīkāra — vicāra — fell. Will-you-or-won't-you — darśana — mana sthira — no. Will-you-or-won't-you — speak-with-me — jīva — bhaya. Will-or-won't — āṭhava — samdēha — fell. Tuka says: kamāī — hīṇa — sīṇa.
मराठी: करिसी कीं न करिसी — माझा अंगीकार — हा विचार माज पडिला, Dēvā. देसी कीं न देसी — पायांचें दर्शन — म्हणऊनि मन स्थिर नाहीं. बोलसी कीं न बोलसी मज-सवें, Dēvā — म्हणोनियां जीवा भय वाटे. होईल कीं न होय — तुज माझा आठव — हा-च संदेह मज पडिला. Tuka म्हणे: मी कमाईंचे हीण — म्हणऊनि सीण करीं, Dēvā.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| करिसी कीं न करिसी माझा अंगीकार | "kīm-na-kī — angīkāra" |
| हा मज विचार पडिला देवा | "vicāra fell" |
| देसी कीं न देसी पायांचें दर्शन | "kīm-na-kī — darśana" |
| म्हणऊनि मन स्थिर नाहीं | "mana sthira — no" |
| बोलसी कीं न बोलसी मजसवें देवा | "kīm-na-kī — speak-with-me" |
| म्हणोनियां जीवा भय वाटे | "jīva — bhaya" |
| होईंल कीं न होय तुज माझा आठव | "kīm-na-kī — āṭhava" |
| पडिला संदेह हा चि मज | "samdēha fell" |
| तुका म्हणे मी कमाईंचे हीण | "kamāī — hīṇa" |
| म्हणऊनि सीण करीं देवा | "sīṇa" |
What it means
A will-you-or-won't-you-accept-me-give-darśana-speak-with-me-remember-me-I-am-worthless-of-earnings-therefore-anguish abhang. Worthless-of-earnings-therefore-anguish register. The classic kīm-na-kī-doubt prayer. Five claims, four parallel doubts:
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करिसी-न-करिसी-अंगीकार — विचार-पडिला. Will-you-or-won't-you-accept-me-claim. Will-you-or-won't-you do theangīkāra (acceptance, taking-as-one's-own) of me?;this vicāra (dilemma, anxious-thought) has fallen on me, Dēva.
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देसी-न-देसी-पाय-दर्शन — मन-स्थिर-नाहीं. Will-you-or-won't-you-give-darśana-mind-not-steady-claim. Will-you-or-won't-you give thedarśanaof (your)pāya?;therefore the mana is not sthira (steady).
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बोलसी-न-बोलसी — जीव-भय. Will-you-or-won't-you-speak-with-me-jīva-feels-fear-claim. Will-you-or-won't-you speak with-me, Dēva?; therefore thejīvafeelsbhaya (fear).
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होईल-न-होय-आठव — संदेह. Will-or-won't-the-remembrance-happen-claim. Will-or-won't-(it) happen — yourāṭhava (remembrance) of me?;this very samdēha (doubt) has fallen on me.
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Tuka: कमाई-हीण — सीण-करीं. Worthless-of-earnings-therefore-anguish-claim. Tuka says: I am thehīṇa (worthless, low-grade) of kamāī (earnings, accumulated-spiritual-merit);therefore I do sīṇa (anguish), Dēva. (My puṇya-balance ishīṇa (low-grade) — that's why I'm anxious about all four doubts.)
[T]
For someone today
Tukaram admits four honest doubts he cannot shake: will God accept him or not, will God ever let him see his feet, will God ever speak to him, and will God even remember him at all. Each unanswered question leaves his mind unsettled and his heart afraid. He does not pretend to have certainty, and he does not hide his anxiety behind polished words. In the end he says plainly that his own spiritual credit is poor, and that is exactly why he suffers this anguish, which is itself an honest offering to God.
मराठी: तुकाराम आपल्या मनातील चार खरे संशय मान्य करतात, जे त्यांना सुटत नाहीत, देव आपला स्वीकार करेल की नाही, देवाचे पाय कधी दिसतील की नाही, देव कधी आपल्याशी बोलेल की नाही, आणि देवाला आपली आठवण तरी राहील की नाही. प्रत्येक अनुत्तरित प्रश्नामुळे त्यांचे मन अस्थिर होते आणि जिवाला भीती वाटते. ते खोटी खात्री दाखवत नाहीत आणि आपली अस्वस्थता लपवतही नाहीत. शेवटी ते स्पष्टपणे सांगतात की आपली स्वतःची पुण्याची कमाई तोकडी आहे, आणि म्हणूनच हा सीण होतो, जो स्वतःच देवाला केलेला एक प्रामाणिक अर्पण आहे.
Where this applies
- Acceptance-doubt. Angīkāra.
- Darśana-doubt. Pāya.
- Speaking-doubt. Jīva-bhaya.
- Remembrance-doubt. Āṭhava.
- Worthless-anguish. Kamāī-hīṇa.