Abhanga 1934
The ache of waiting for word from someone you love is real, and the fear that you've been forgotten is part of that wait.
The verse
माहेरिंचा काय येईंल निरोप । म्हणऊनि झोंप नाहीं डोळां ॥१॥ वाट पाहें आस धरूनियां जीवीं । निडळा हे ठेवीं वरी बाहे ॥ध्रु.॥ बोटवरी माप लेखितों दिवस । होतों कासावीस धीर नाहीं ॥२॥ काय नेणों संतां पडेल विसर । कीं नव्हे सादर मायबाप ॥३॥ तुका म्हणे तेथें होईंल दाटणी । कोण माझें आणी मना तेथें ॥४॥
Literal translation
What message will come from māhēra — therefore no sleep in the eyes. I watch the path holding hope in the jīva — placing the hand on the forehead. I count days on fingers — am desperate, no patience. What (if) the saints have forgotten — or mā-bāpa is not attentive? Tuka says: there will be crowding — who in (their) mind brings me there?.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| माहेरिंचा काय येईंल निरोप | "what message will come — from māhēra" |
| म्हणऊनि झोंप नाहीं डोळां | "therefore — no sleep in the eyes" |
| वाट पाहें आस धरूनियां जीवीं | "I watch the path — holding hope in the jīva" |
| निडळा हे ठेवीं वरी बाहे | "placing the hand — on the forehead" |
| बोटवरी माप लेखितों दिवस | "I count days on fingers" |
| होतों कासावीस धीर नाहीं | "am desperate — no patience" |
| काय नेणों संतां पडेल विसर | "what (if) — the saints have forgotten" |
| कीं नव्हे सादर मायबाप | "or — mā-bāpa is not attentive" |
| तुका म्हणे तेथें होईंल दाटणी | "Tuka says — there will be crowding" |
| कोण माझें आणी मना तेथें | "who in (their) mind — brings me there" |
What it means
Waiting-for-Vārkarī-return-with-reply abhang. Begins the post-letter narrative-section — the bhakta in Dehu, waiting for the Vārkarīs' return from Pandhari with the Lord's reply.
The opening: māhēriñcā kāya yē'īla niropa — mhaṇa'ūni jhōmpa nāhīm ḍōḷām — what message will come from māhēra — no sleep in the eyes. Sleepless-anxiety: what-news-will-come-from-Pandhari?.
The hand-on-forehead: vāṭa pāhē āsa dharūniyām jīvī — niḍaḷā hē ṭhēvī varī bāhē — I watch the path holding hope in jīva — placing the hand on the forehead. The classical-image of long-distance-watching: hand-on-forehead-shading-the-eyes.
The day-counting: bōṭa-varī māpa lēkhitōm divasa — hōtōm kāsāvīsa dhīra nāhīm — count days on fingers — desperate, no patience. Counting-days-on-fingers (= the bhakta is enumerating-each-day-of-waiting).
The forgetting-question: kāya nēṇōm santām paḍēla visara — kīm navhē sādara māya-bāpa — what (if) the saints have forgotten — or mā-bāpa is not attentive?. Anxiety-of-multiple-failure-modes: did-the-saints-forget-the-message? or-is-the-Lord-not-attentive?.
The closing: Tukā mhaṇē tēthē hō'īla dāṭaṇī — kōṇa mājhē āṇi manā tēthē — Tuka says: there will be crowding — who brings me to mind there?. Dāṭaṇī = crowding (= the temple-is-full-of-pilgrims); kōṇa āṇi manā = who brings (me) to mind. Among-the-Pandhari-crowds, who-thinks-of-me?.
This abhang opens a new register: post-letter waiting-and-anxiety-in-Dehu. The bhakta-watches-the-path with-hand-on-forehead, counting-days-on-fingers, anxious-the-Vārkarīs-might-have-forgotten, anxious-the-Lord-might-not-be-attentive.
[T]
For someone today
For today: what message will come from māhēra — therefore no sleep in the eyes; I watch the path holding hope in jīva — placing the hand on forehead; counting days on fingers — desperate, no patience; what if the saints have forgotten — or mā-bāpa is not attentive?; Tuka says — there will be crowding — who in their mind brings me there?.
Where this applies
- When you're waiting for a reply, a letter, a call, a message, and can't sleep because of it
- When you keep checking and counting days, growing impatient for word from someone far away
- When you start doubting whether the person you're waiting on has simply forgotten you
- When you fear that in a crowd of people asking for the same thing, no one will remember you specifically