Abhanga 2165
Even a devoted heart can feel impatient, unheard, and distant from God, and admitting that honestly is itself part of the path.
The verse
मज नाहीं धीर । तुम्ही न करा अंगीकार ॥१॥ ऐसें पडिलें विषम । बळी देवाहूनि कर्म ॥ध्रु.॥ चालों नेणें वाट । केल्या न पवा बोभाट ॥२॥ वेचों नेणे जीवें । तुका उदास धरिला देवें ॥३॥
Literal translation
I have no patience — you don't accept me. Such a strange thing fell — karma is stronger than Lord. Don't know how to walk the path — even after doing, you don't hear shouts. Don't know how to spend with jīva — Tukā — the Lord held [me] as udāsa.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| मज नाहीं धीर | "I have no patience" |
| तुम्ही न करा अंगीकार | "you don't accept me" |
| ऐसें पडिलें विषम | "such a strange thing fell" |
| बळी देवाहूनि कर्म | "karma is stronger than Lord" |
| चालों नेणें वाट | "don't know how to walk the path" |
| केल्या न पवा बोभाट | "even after doing — you don't hear shouts" |
| वेचों नेणे जीवें | "don't know how to spend with jīva" |
| तुका उदास धरिला देवें | "Tukā — the Lord held [me] as udāsa" |
What it means
Karma-stronger-than-Lord + Lord-held-me-as-udāsa abhang.
The opening — the impatient-bhakta: maja nāhīm dhīra — tumhī na karā angīkāra — I have no patience — you don't accept me. I have-no-patience; you-don't-accept-me. (= the gap between my impatience and your slow-acceptance is the problem.)
The provocative claim: aisē paḍilē viṣama — baḷī Dēvāhūni karma — such-a-strange-thing fell — karma is stronger than Lord. Viṣama = strange, uneven, adverse. A-strange-state-of-affairs has-arisen: karma seems-stronger-than-Lord. (= the bhakta's-experience is that karma-prevails over divine-grace.) A bold heterodox-sounding cry.
The path-not-walked: chālōm nēṇē vāṭa — kēlyā na pavā bōbhāṭa — don't know how to walk the path — even after doing, you don't hear shouts. I don't-know-how-to-walk-the-path; even when-I-do-shout, you-don't-hear.
The closing — Lord-held-me-as-udāsa: vēchōm nēṇē jīvē — Tukā udāsa dharilā Dēvē — don't know how to spend with jīva — Tukā — the Lord held [me] as udāsa. Udāsa = indifferent, disengaged, withdrawn. I don't-know how to-spend the jīva (cf. 2164's vēchāvē jīvē); Tukā was-held by-the-Lord as-udāsa (= indifferent, neglected).
Note: this completes a thematic-pair with 2164: where 2164 said pūjā happens when-jīva-is-spent, 2165 confesses I don't-know-how-to-spend-the-jīva — so the Lord holds-me-at-arm's-length.
[T]
For someone today
For today: I have no patience — you don't accept me; such strange thing fell — karma stronger than Lord; don't know how to walk path — no shouts heard; don't know how to spend with jīva — Tukā — Lord held me as udāsa.
Where this applies
- When you feel impatient with your own spiritual practice and wonder why it is not working
- When life's circumstances feel harsher than any sense of grace or support, and you wonder if effort even matters
- When you pray or cry out for help and feel like no one is listening
- When you feel emotionally distant from God, a practice, or a relationship because you have not given it your whole self