Abhanga 2310
Being known or trusted by others can become its own burden, and it's honest to admit you have nothing stored up to give while still asking God to carry that weight for you.
The verse
नव्हें दास खरा । परि जाला हा डांगोरा ॥१॥ यासी काय करूं आतां । तूं हें सकळ जाणता ॥ध्रु.॥ नाहीं पुण्यगाठीं । जे हें वेचूं कोणासाठीं ॥२॥ तुका म्हणे कां उपाधी । वाढविली कृपानिधी ॥३॥
Literal translation
I'm not a true dāsa — yet this drum-beat has happened. What shall I do now — you know all this. There's no puṇya-knot in [my] possession — for whom shall I spend this. Tuka says: why [grow] upādhi — you've grown [it], kṛpā-nidhi.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| नव्हें दास खरा | "I'm not a true dāsa" |
| परि जाला हा डांगोरा | "yet this drum-beat has happened" |
| यासी काय करूं आतां | "what shall I do now" |
| तूं हें सकळ जाणता | "you know all this" |
| नाहीं पुण्यगाठीं | "there's no puṇya-knot in [my] possession" |
| जे हें वेचूं कोणासाठीं | "for whom shall I spend this" |
| तुका म्हणे कां उपाधी | "Tuka says — why [grow] upādhi" |
| वाढविली कृपानिधी | "you've grown [it], kṛpā-nidhi" |
What it means
SELF-DEPRECATION before-the-Aḷankāpurī-Brahmin-pilgrim. Third abhang of the upadēśa-cluster.
The opening — not-a-true-dāsa: navhēm dāsa kharā — pari jālā hā ḍāngōrā — I'm not a true dāsa — yet this drum-beat has happened. Ḍāngōrā = drum-beat, public-announcement. I'm-not-a-true-dāsa; yet-this-drum-beat (= the-fame-that-brought-the-Brahmin-here) has-happened. The bhakta-protests-the-fame (= the Aḷankāpurī-Brahmin came-because-Tukārām's-name-was-drum-beaten, but-Tukārām doesn't-feel-he-is-truly-a-dāsa).
The puzzle: yāsī kāya karūm ātām — tūm hē sakaḷa jāṇatā — what shall I do now — you know all this. What-shall-I-do-now? You-know-all-this.
The no-puṇya-stock: nāhīm puṇya-gāṇṭhīm — jē hē vēchūm kōṇāsāṭhīm — there's no puṇya-knot in [my] possession — for whom shall I spend this. I-have-no-puṇya-knot-(in-store) to-spend-on-anyone.
The closing — why-grow-my-upādhi: Tukā mhaṇē kām upādhī — vāḍhavilī kṛpā-nidhī — Tuka says: why [grow] upādhi — you've grown [it], kṛpā-nidhi. Why-(have-you)-grown my-upādhi (the trouble-of-being-famous), kṛpā-nidhi? The bhakta's-complaint: the fame-that-attracts-pilgrims is-itself-a-burden.
Within the cluster: this self-deprecation continues from 2308's Lord plays in both places — Tukārām appeals-that-the-Lord, not-Tukārām himself, handle-the-Brahmin's-case.
[T]
For someone today
For today: I'm not a true dāsa — yet this drum-beat; what shall I do — you know all; no puṇya-knot — for whom to spend; Tuka says — why grow upādhi — kṛpā-nidhi.
Where this applies
- When people expect more of you than you feel capable of giving
- When your reputation has grown faster than your own sense of readiness
- When someone asks you for wisdom or help and you don't feel you have anything stored up to give
- When you want to admit the cost of being well regarded instead of pretending it's easy