Abhanga 4003
Even when family relations sour into public shame and exclusion, it is possible to choose the original bond over the recent grievances and let the hurt be set aside.
The verse
तुझी माझी आहे जुनी सोयरीक । आधीं बंधु लेंक मग जाले ॥१॥
वांटेकरी म्हणून पुसती आतां । परि आहे सत्ता करीन ते ॥ध्रु.॥
लेंकीचें लेंकरूं नातु जाल्यावरी । मंगळा ही दुरि अंतरलों ॥२॥
बाइलेचा भाऊ पिसुना सोयरा । म्हणउनि करा विनोद हा ॥३॥
आकुळीं तों करूं नये तें चि केलें । न बोलावें भलें तों चि आतां ॥४॥
न म्हणसी लेंकी माउसी बहिणी । आम्हां केलें धणी पापाचें त्या ॥५॥
बहु पांचांजणी केली विटंबना । नये दाऊं जना तोंड ऐसें ॥६॥
तुका म्हणे आधीं मूळ तें चि धरूं । मागील तें करूं उरी आतां ॥७॥
Literal translation
Old-sōyarīka-first-brothers-then-(in-laws). Vāṭēkarī-ask — sattā-with-me. Daughter's-grandson — distanced-from-mangaḷa. Wife's-brother-pisunā-sōyarā-vinōda. What-shouldn't-be-done-was-done. They-don't-address-me — dhanī-of-pāpa-made. Pāñchām-jaṇī-vidambanā — can't-show-face-to-jana. Tukā: hold-mūḷa-first — back-issues-uri.
What it means
A rare 7-verse autobiographical-grievance text. The in-laws-relation has soured: distanced from family-rituals (mangaḷa) after the grandson's birth; wife's brother is a pisunā-sōyarā (slanderous-relative); they no longer use kinship-terms (daughter, mother's-sister, sister); women-relatives have inflicted insult (vidambanā); Tukārām cannot show his face in public. The closing: hold the root (the original-relation) first; let the back-issues be set-aside now. Among the rarest autobiographical-domestic Tukārām texts. Compare 2944-2945 (simple-life biographical), 2966-2967 (anti-bad-wife). Likely after Tukārām became a public-sant — and the family-relations frayed.
For someone today
This is one of Tukaram's rare, openly personal poems, and in it he lays out a real family wound. What was once a close relationship, brothers and sons before it ever became an in-law bond, has curdled into people treating him like someone who merely holds a share of property. He has been kept away from family rituals since his daughter's grandson was born, his wife's brother has turned slanderous, and his in-laws no longer even call him by the old family terms, daughter, aunt, sister, instead treating him as though he were guilty of some wrong. He admits the shame is public, he can hardly show his face, yet he ends by choosing to hold onto the original root of the relationship and let the recent grievances go.
मराठी: हे तुकारामांच्या दुर्मीळ, उघडपणे वैयक्तिक अभंगांपैकी एक आहे, ज्यात ते एक खरी कौटुंबिक जखम मांडतात. जे नाते आधी भाऊ आणि मुलांसारखे जवळचे होते, सोयरिक होण्याआधी, ते आता त्यांना नुसता वाटेकरी मानण्याइतके विरजून गेले आहे. मुलीच्या नातवाच्या जन्मानंतर त्यांना कौटुंबिक मंगळ कार्यातून दूर ठेवले गेले आहे, बायकोचा भाऊ निंदा करणारा झाला आहे, आणि सासरचे लोक त्यांना आता मुलगी, मावशी, बहीण अशा जुन्या नात्यांच्या शब्दांनी हाक मारत नाहीत, उलट जणू ते काही पापाचे धनी आहेत असे वागवतात. ही बदनामी लोकांसमोर झाली आहे, तोंड दाखवायला जागा नाही, हे ते कबूल करतात, तरीही शेवटी ते नात्याच्या मूळ बंधाला धरून राहायचे आणि अलीकडच्या तक्रारी सोडून द्यायचे ठरवतात.
Where this applies
- When a relationship that was once close has curdled into people treating you as merely useful or as a rival with a claim
- When family members exclude you from important rituals or milestones after some rift
- When someone close to you spreads slander and you feel too ashamed to face people
- When you have to decide whether to nurse a grievance or hold onto the original bond and let the recent hurt go