Abhanga 543

It is honest to protest to God about unanswered pain, and it is wise to also ask yourself honestly whether your own faults are still working themselves out.

The verse

Literal translation

What it means

A why-no-warmth-throat-bursting abhang. Strong-protest with the unique hṛdaya-stha-but-no-kaḷavaḷā paradox. Three claims:

1. कां रे माझा तुज न ये कळवळा — असोनि जवळा हृदयस्था — why no kaḷavaḷā for me — being close hṛdaya-stha. The opening-paradox-protest: why does nokaḷavaḷā(warmth, pity, tenderness) come for me?; being so close —hṛdaya-stha(heart-dweller). You-are-in-my-heart-but-no-pity-comes. Inner-deva-shows-no-pity-paradox.

2. अगा नारायणा निष्ठ‍ा निर्गुणा — केला शोक नेणां कंठस्फोट — कां हें चित्त नाहीं पावलें विश्रांती — इंद्रियांची गति कुंटे चि ना — agā Nārāyaṇa niṣṭha nirguṇa — made śoka — kaṇṭha-sphōṭa — don't know — why citta no viśrānti — indriya-gati doesn't kumṭē. The throat-bursting-and-restless-citta-claim: agā (oh) Nārāyaṇa — niṣṭha (steady, fixed) and nirguṇa (without-attributes);I have made (kēlā) śoka (lamentation);kaṇṭha-sphōṭa(throat-bursting, calling-till-throat-cracks); don't You know (nēṇām)?; why has thecittanot reachedviśrānti(rest)?; theindriya'sgati(motion, activity) doesn'tkumṭē(stop, halt) at all. Throat-bursting-restless-citta-deva-doesn't-acknowledge.

3. तुका म्हणे कां रे धरियेला कोप — पाप सरलें नेणों पांडुरंगा — Tuka says: why kōpa held — pāpa run-out — don't know, Pāṇḍuranga. The closing-self-doubting-question: Tuka says: why iskōpa(anger) held?; has mypāpa(sin) notsaralēm(run-out, exhausted),Pāṇḍuranga, nēṇōm (I-don't-know)?Self-doubting-question: maybe my pāpa isn't yet exhausted; that's why You hold anger.The bhakta-tries-to-explain-the-deva's-anger-by-his-own-failing.

[T]

For someone today

Tukaram cries out asking why God, who lives right inside his own heart, shows him no warmth at all. He does not hide his distress, he describes crying until his throat nearly bursts and his mind finding no rest, and he refuses to pretend everything is fine. But instead of only blaming God, he turns the question on himself and wonders honestly whether his own faults simply have not run their course yet. This is permission to voice real pain to the divine while still staying humble enough to examine your own part in it.

मराठी: तुकाराम महाराज विचारतात की देव, जो त्यांच्याच हृदयात राहतो, तो त्यांच्यावर इतकी माया का दाखवत नाही. ते आपले दुःख लपवत नाहीत, कंठ फुटेपर्यंत रडल्याचे आणि मनाला अजिबात विश्रांती न मिळाल्याचे ते स्पष्ट सांगतात आणि सगळे ठीक आहे असे भासवत नाहीत. पण फक्त देवाला दोष न देता ते स्वतःलाही प्रामाणिकपणे विचारतात की कदाचित माझी पापे अजून संपली नसतील. यातून शिकायला मिळते की देवाजवळ खरे दुःख व्यक्त करता येते, पण त्याचबरोबर स्वतःच्या चुकांकडेही नम्रपणे पाहता येते.

Where this applies

• Hṛdaya-sthabut nokaḷavaḷā. Inner-paradox.
• Kaṇṭha-sphōṭa. Throat-bursting.
• Cittanoviśrānti. Restless.
• Pāpa not run-out? Self-doubt.

Related verses

• Abhanga 2467 — What looks like your whole world, like a fig to the insect living inside it, is only a tin
• Abhanga 4481 — Tukaram promises that sincerely calling on the Lord's name, knowingly or unknowingly, with
• Abhanga 4482 — Tukaram teaches that no ritual equals sincerely speaking the Lord's name, that self-center
• Abhanga 4497 — Tukaram describes a life so soaked in devotion that Krishna's presence fills every ordinar