Abhanga 1905
Real devotion can include honest impatience and worry, waiting for a reply, wondering if you have been forgotten, and fearing how you will cope without an answer.
The verse
काय जालें नेणों माझिया कपाळा । न देखीजे डोळां मूळ येतां ॥१॥ बहु दिस पाहें वचनासी वास । धरिलें उदास पांडुरंगा ॥ध्रु.॥ नाहीं निरोपाचें पावलें उत्तर । ऐसें तों निष्ठ न पाहिजे ॥२॥ पडिला विसर किंवा कांहीं धंदा । त्याहूनि गोविंदा जरूरसा ॥३॥ तुका म्हणे आलें वेचाचें सांकडें । देणें घेणें पुढें तो ही धाक ॥४॥
Literal translation
What has happened to my forehead, I don't know — eyes don't see the messenger coming. Many days I watch for words to lodge — (you) held udāsa, Pāṇḍuranga. No reply has come to the message — such staunchness shouldn't be. Did forgetting fall, or some business? — more important than that, Govinda. Tuka says: the difficulty of expense has come — give-and-take ahead — that fear too.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| काय जालें नेणों माझिया कपाळा | "what has happened to my forehead, I don't know" |
| न देखीजे डोळां मूळ येतां | "eyes don't see the messenger coming" |
| बहु दिस पाहें वचनासी वास | "many days I watch — for words to lodge" |
| धरिलें उदास पांडुरंगा | "(you) held udāsa — Pāṇḍuranga" |
| नाहीं निरोपाचें पावलें उत्तर | "no reply — has come to the message" |
| ऐसें तों निष्ठ न पाहिजे | "such staunchness shouldn't be" |
| पडिला विसर किंवा कांहीं धंदा | "did forgetting fall — or some business" |
| त्याहूनि गोविंदा जरूरसा | "more important than that, Govinda" |
| तुका म्हणे आलें वेचाचें सांकडें | "Tuka says — the difficulty of expense has come" |
| देणें घेणें पुढें तो ही धाक | "give-and-take ahead — that fear too" |
What it means
No-reply-yet + watching-for-words-to-lodge abhang. Letter-sent-with-saints cluster — continued letter-fragment.
The opening: kāya jālē nēṇōm mājhiyā kapāḷā — na dēkhījē ḍōḷā mūḷa yētām — what has happened to my forehead, I don't know — eyes don't see the messenger coming. Self-questioning the bad-fortune that-the-messenger-still-hasn't-come.
The watching: bahu disa pāhē vacanāsī vāsa — dharilē udāsa Pāṇḍurangā — many days I watch for words to lodge — you held udāsa, Pāṇḍuranga. Many-days-watching for-words; the Lord-stayed-aloof.
The reply-line: nāhīm niropācē pāvalē uttara — aisē tōm niṣṭha na pāhijē — no reply has come — such staunchness shouldn't be. The Lord's-staunch-silence is improper.
The forgot-or-busy speculation: paḍilā visara kimvā kāhīm dhandā — tyāhūni Govindā jarūrasā — did forgetting fall, or some business? — more important than that, Govinda. The bhakta is more-urgent than-any-other-business.
The closing: Tukā mhaṇē ālē vēcācē sānkaḍē — dēṇē ghēṇē puḍhē tō hī dhāka — Tuka says: the difficulty of expense has come — give-and-take ahead — that fear too. Vēcā = expense / consumption; dēṇē-ghēṇē = give-and-take / debts-and-credits. The bhakta worries about-future-debts (= the bhakta-doesn't-want-to-be-financially-burdened-without-the-Lord's-help).
[T]
For someone today
For today: what has happened to my forehead, I don't know — eyes don't see the messenger coming; many days I watch for words to lodge — you held udāsa, Pāṇḍuranga; no reply has come to the message — such staunchness shouldn't be; did forgetting fall, or some business? — more important than that, Govinda; Tuka says — the difficulty of expense has come — give-and-take ahead — that fear too.
Where this applies
- When you keep checking for a reply, a message, or a sign, and none comes
- When you start wondering if someone important to you has simply forgotten about you
- When you feel your own troubles must surely matter more than whatever is keeping the other person away
- When practical worries like bills or debts pile up while you wait for help that has not arrived