Abhanga 1906
When there is truly no one else to turn to, honest desperation itself becomes a form of trust, even when it questions why the one you rely on seems so calm while you are troubled.
The verse
एवढा संकोच तरि कां व्यालासी । आम्ही कोणांपाशीं तोंड वासूं ॥१॥ कोण मज पुसे सिणलें भागलें । जरी मोकलिलें तुम्हीं देवा ॥ध्रु.॥ कवणाची वाट पाहों कोणीकडे । कोण मज ओढे जीवलग ॥२॥ कोण जाणे माझे जीवींचें सांकडें । उगवील कोडें संकटाचें ॥३॥ तुका म्हणे तुम्ही देखिली निश्चिंती । काय माझे चित्ती पांडुरंगा ॥४॥
Literal translation
Such great hesitation — why did you give birth (to this situation)? — to whom shall we open mouth? Who would ask me, tired or weak — if you abandoned me, deva? Whose path can I watch — where? — who pulls me close as jīvalaga? Who knows the tightness in my jīva — would untangle the riddle of sankaṭa? Tuka says: you have seen the niścinti — what (do you see) in my chitta, Pāṇḍuranga?.
Word-by-word gloss
| Marathi | Meaning |
|---|---|
| एवढा संकोच तरि कां व्यालासी | "such great hesitation — why did you give birth (to this)" |
| आम्ही कोणांपाशीं तोंड वासूं | "to whom shall we open mouth" |
| कोण मज पुसे सिणलें भागलें | "who would ask me — tired or weak" |
| जरी मोकलिलें तुम्हीं देवा | "if you abandoned me, deva" |
| कवणाची वाट पाहों कोणीकडे | "whose path can I watch — where" |
| कोण मज ओढे जीवलग | "who pulls me close as jīvalaga" |
| कोण जाणे माझे जीवींचें सांकडें | "who knows the tightness in my jīva" |
| उगवील कोडें संकटाचें | "would untangle the riddle of sankaṭa" |
| तुका म्हणे तुम्ही देखिली निश्चिंती | "Tuka says — you have seen the niścinti" |
| काय माझे चित्ती पांडुरंगा | "what (do you see) in my chitta, Pāṇḍuranga" |
What it means
Who-else-can-I-turn-to abhang. Letter-sent-with-saints cluster.
The opening: ēvaḍhā sankōca tari kām vyālāsī — āmhī kōṇāñpāśīm tōṇḍa vāsūm — such great hesitation — why did you give birth (to this situation)? — to whom shall we open mouth?. If-you-give-rise-to-such-hesitation, to-whom-can-I-turn?.
The series of kōṇa (who?) questions: - kōṇa maja pusē siṇalē bhāgalē — who would ask me, tired or weak? - kavaṇācī vāṭa pāhōm kōṇīkaḍē — whose path can I watch — where? - kōṇa maja ōḍhē jīvalaga — who pulls me close as jīvalaga? - kōṇa jāṇē mājhē jīvīñcē sānkaḍē — who knows my jīva-tightness?
Five-fold who-else-rhetorical: nobody-but-you can-do-any-of-this.
The closing: Tukā mhaṇē tumhī dēkhilī niścintī — kāya mājhē chittī Pāṇḍurangā — Tuka says: you have seen the niścinti — what (do you see) in my chitta, Pāṇḍuranga?. Niścinti = the worry-free state. The Lord-himself is in-niścinti; but-what-does-he-see in-the-bhakta's-chitta? (= the Lord-cool, the bhakta-burning).
[T]
For someone today
For today: such great hesitation — why did you give birth (to this)?; to whom shall we open mouth?; who would ask me, tired or weak — if you abandoned me, deva?; whose path can I watch where? — who pulls me close as jīvalaga?; who knows my jīva-tightness — would untangle sankaṭa-riddle?; Tuka says — you have seen niścinti — what (do you see) in my chitta, Pāṇḍuranga?.
Where this applies
- When you feel you have absolutely no one else to turn to for help or comfort
- When you wonder whether the one person you rely on even notices how tired or worn down you are
- When you feel a painful gap between someone else's calm and your own inner turmoil
- When you keep asking who really understands what is weighing on your heart