Abhanga 3331
Even a sincere devotee keeps struggling with old flaws like a harsh temper, and honestly admitting that struggle to God is itself part of devotion.
The verse
नो बोलावें ऐसें जनासी उत्तर । करितों विचार बहु वेळा ॥१॥
कोण पाप आड ठाकतें येऊन । पालटिति गुण अंतरींचा ॥ध्रु.॥
संसारा हातीं सोडवूनि गळा । हें कां अवकळा येती पुढें ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे सेवे घडेल अंतराय । यास करूं काय पांडुरंगा ॥३॥
Literal translation
Let-me-not-give-such-uttara-to-people, I-keep-thinking-many-times. What-pāpa-comes-and-changes-antar-guṇa. Freed-gaḷā-from-samsāra, why-avakaḷā-ahead. Tukā: antarāya-to-sevā, what-shall-I-do, Pāṇḍurangā.
What it means
A self-reproach text. My-temper-keeps-rising-against-people; this-will-obstruct-my-sevā; help, Pāṇḍuranga. Strikingly honest about a sādhaka's struggle.
For someone today
Tukaram confesses something surprisingly ordinary and honest, over and over he resolves not to snap at people with harsh words, and over and over he finds himself doing it anyway. He genuinely wonders what fault sneaks in and changes his inner nature despite his best intentions. He has already worked hard to free himself from the grip of ordinary worldly entanglements, so why do these lapses keep happening anyway? What worries him most is that this temper could actually get in the way of his devotion and service, so he turns straight to God and admits, honestly, I do not know what to do about this.
मराठी: तुकाराम एक आश्चर्यकारकपणे सामान्य आणि प्रामाणिक कबुली देतात, ते पुन्हा पुन्हा ठरवतात की लोकांशी कठोर बोलायचं नाही, आणि तरीही पुन्हा पुन्हा तसंच घडतं. आपल्या चांगल्या इराद्यांनंतरही असं कोणतं दोष येऊन आपला अंतःस्वभाव बदलतो, याचं त्यांना खरोखर आश्चर्य वाटतं. संसाराच्या पकडीतून गळा सोडवूनही, हे असे अडथळे पुढे का येतात असं ते विचारतात. सगळ्यात जास्त काळजी त्यांना याची आहे की हा स्वभाव त्यांच्या सेवेत अडथळा आणेल, म्हणून ते थेट देवाला विचारतात, यावर मी काय करू पांडुरंगा.
Where this applies
- Tukārām's self-reproach for temper canonical
- what pāpa changes the antar-guṇa? line