Abhanga 3679
Even a devoted person can honestly doubt whether their own words and effort still carry real sincerity, and naming that doubt to God is itself an act of faith.
The verse
लेखिलें कवित्व माझे सहज बोल । न लगे चि ओल जिव्हाळ्याची ॥१॥
नये चि उत्तर कांहीं परतोनि । जालों नारायणीं न सरतें ॥ध्रु.॥
लाजिरवाणी कां वदली हे वाचा । नव्हे च ठायींचा मननशीळ ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे फळ नव्हे चि सायासा । पंढरीनिवासा काय जालें ॥३॥
Literal translation
Kavitva-just-sahaja-bōla — no-jihvāḷa-ōla-needed. No-uttara-returns — na-saratē-with-Nārāyaṇa. Why-lāji-rvāṇī-vāchā-spoken — not-manana-śīḷa. Tukā: no-fala-for-sāyāsa — what-happened-Paṇḍharī-nivāsa.
What it means
A 3-verse poetic-self-deprecation text. My poetry is reckoned just-natural-speech — no heart-moisture is needed; no reply returns — I've become not-passing-through with Nārāyaṇa; why did this shameful speech come out? — it doesn't come from-the-place-of-meditative-discipline; my effort bears no fruit — what's happened?. Striking na saratē (not-passing-through) — Tukārām feels he's no longer-being-accepted by Nārāyaṇa.
For someone today
Here Tukaram doubts himself, worrying that his poetry might be nothing more than ordinary talk, not carrying the real moisture of a devoted heart. He notices no answer comes back to him, and feels as though he has stopped truly reaching Narayana at all. He asks himself why such careless, almost shameful words came out of his mouth, since they clearly didn't come from a place of real disciplined reflection. He admits his effort seems to be bearing no fruit, and honestly asks God what has gone wrong. This is the raw voice of self-doubt inside a devoted life, questioning whether your own words and effort are still sincere.
मराठी: इथे तुकाराम स्वतःबद्दल शंका घेतात, आपली कविता म्हणजे नुसतेच सामान्य बोलणे तर नाही ना, ज्यात भक्त मनाची खरी ओलावा नाही, अशी काळजी वाटते. त्यांना जाणवते की कोणतेच उत्तर परत येत नाही, आणि आपण नारायणापर्यंत खरोखर पोहोचतच नाही आहोत असे वाटते. ते स्वतःला विचारतात, असे बेजबाबदार, जवळजवळ लाजिरवाणे शब्द तोंडातून का निघाले, कारण ते नक्कीच खऱ्या शिस्तबद्ध चिंतनातून आलेले नाहीत. आपले कष्ट काहीच फळ देत नाहीत हे ते कबूल करतात आणि प्रामाणिकपणे देवाला विचारतात काय चुकले. भक्तीच्या मार्गावर स्वतःचे शब्द आणि प्रयत्न अजूनही खरे आहेत का, अशी शंका घेणारा हा प्रामाणिक स्वर आहे.
Where this applies
- When you worry that your own creative or spiritual expression has become shallow or careless
- When you feel like your prayers or efforts aren't reaching anyone, met only with silence
- When you catch yourself saying something you regret and wonder why it came out that way
- When your hard work seems to be producing no real result and you honestly ask why