Abhanga 3692
Honestly admitting spiritual dryness, when longing exists but real connection doesn't arrive and past faults seem to block the way, is itself a form of truthfulness before God.
The verse
आवडी धरूनि करूं गेलों लाड । भक्तिप्रेमकोड न पुरे चि ॥१॥
म्हणऊनि जीव ठेला असावोनि । खेद होतो मनीं बहु साल ॥ध्रु.॥
वेठीऐसें वाटे निर्फळ कारण । शीतळ होऊन खोडावलों ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे सरतें नव्हें चि पायांपें । बळ केलें पापें नव्हें चि भेटी ॥३॥
Literal translation
Holding-āvaḍī-went-lāḍa — kōḍa-doesn't-fulfill. Jīva-stayed-asāva — khēda-much-sāla. Like-vēṭha-nirfaḷa-kāraṇa — śītaḷa-stuck. Tukā: don't-pass-to-pāya — pāpa-force — no-bhēṭī.
What it means
A 3-verse stuck-state text. I went-to-play-lāḍa holding āvaḍī; the bhakti-prema-puzzle doesn't fulfill itself; the jīva is in a pretender-pose with much regret; like vēṭha (forced-labor), this is fruitless; I'm stuck; I don't reach the feet — pāpa has used force, no bhēṭī.
For someone today
Tukaram admits that even with real longing, when he tried to enjoy closeness with God, the fullness of devoted love never actually completed itself. Because of that, his heart settled into a kind of false pretending, carrying regret for a long stretch of time. It felt like forced labor, effort spent for nothing, and he describes himself going cold and getting stuck, unable to move forward. He confesses honestly that he cannot reach God's feet, saying his own wrongdoing has taken hold with such force that a real meeting hasn't happened. This is an honest admission of spiritual dryness, going through the motions of devotion without the real connection arriving.
मराठी: तुकाराम कबूल करतात की खरी ओढ असूनही, जेव्हा त्यांनी देवाशी जवळीक साधण्याचा प्रयत्न केला, तेव्हा भक्तिप्रेमाची पूर्णता कधीच साध्य झाली नाही. त्यामुळे त्यांचे मन एका प्रकारच्या खोट्या ढोंगात अडकले, बराच काळ पश्चात्तापाचे ओझे वागवत. त्यांना ते सक्तीच्या मजुरीसारखे, फुकट गेलेल्या कष्टासारखे वाटले, आणि ते सांगतात की ते थंडावले, अडकून पडले, पुढे जाऊ शकले नाहीत. ते प्रामाणिकपणे कबूल करतात की देवाच्या पायांपर्यंत पोहोचता येत नाही, कारण स्वतःच्या चुकांनी इतका जोर धरला आहे की खरी भेट होतच नाही. ही भक्तीच्या कोरडेपणाची, विधी पार पाडूनही खरा संबंध न जुळण्याची, प्रामाणिक कबुली आहे.
Where this applies
- When you go through the motions of devotion or love but the real connection never quite arrives
- When your own past mistakes seem to block you from reaching something you deeply want
- When effort toward something meaningful starts feeling like forced, fruitless labor
- When you honestly admit you feel spiritually stuck instead of pretending everything is fine