Abhanga 3811
Honest self-examination can reveal that empty words and half-hearted devotion leave you belonging fully to neither the world nor to God.
The verse
कळों आला भाव माझा मज देवा । वांयांविण जीवा आठविलें ॥१॥
जोडूनि अक्षरें केलीं तोंडपिटी । न लगे सेवटीं हातीं कांहीं ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे माझे गेले दोन्ही ठाय । सवसार ना पाय तुझे मज ॥३॥
Literal translation
My-bhāva-came-to-light-O-Deva — jīva-remembered-in-vain. Made-akṣaras-tōnḍa-piṭi — nothing-in-hand-at-end. Tukā: both-places-lost — neither-samsāra-nor-your-feet.
What it means
A 3-verse self-recognition-failure text. O Deva, my own (inner) state has been revealed to me — I had remembered (you for) my jīva only in vain. Stringing words together, I made only mouth-noise — at the end, nothing came to hand. Both my places (here-and-there) are lost — I have neither the world, nor your feet. The both-places-lost (savasāra-nor-pāya) is the bhakta's most existentially-precarious confession — the līmbū-paṇī (between two stools) state, a recurrent Tukārām theme.
For someone today
Tukaram makes an unusually raw confession here: he sees his own true condition clearly now, and realizes that all his remembering of God was in vain, empty. He admits that stringing together fine-sounding words was really just mouth-noise, poetry without substance, and in the end nothing real came of it. Worst of all, he says he's fallen between two stools — he has neither a settled place in ordinary worldly life nor a firm hold on God's feet. It's a moment of honest self-recognition, not despair for its own sake, admitting that half-hearted devotion leaves you belonging fully to neither world.
मराठी: तुकाराम इथे एक विलक्षण प्रामाणिक कबुली देतात: आता त्यांना स्वतःची खरी स्थिती स्पष्ट दिसते, आणि त्यांना जाणवते की देवाचे केलेले सगळे स्मरण खरे तर व्यर्थच होते. सुंदर वाटणारे शब्द जुळवणे म्हणजे फक्त तोंडपाटीलपणा होता, अर्थहीन शब्दांची जुळवाजुळव, आणि शेवटी हातात काहीच लागले नाही असे ते कबूल करतात. सर्वात वाईट म्हणजे, ते म्हणतात की ते दोन्हीकडून हरवले आहेत — ना त्यांना संसारात स्थिर जागा आहे, ना विठ्ठलाच्या पायाशी घट्ट पकड आहे. ही निराशेसाठी निराशा नाही, तर एक प्रामाणिक आत्मपरीक्षणाचा क्षण आहे — अर्धवट भक्ती केल्याने माणूस दोन्ही जगांत अपुराच राहतो, हे मान्य करणे.
Where this applies
- When you realize your spiritual practice has been more talk than real substance
- When you feel you belong fully to neither the ordinary world nor a life of genuine devotion
- When honest self-examination reveals that your efforts haven't actually gone anywhere
- When you catch yourself producing fine words about faith without real feeling behind them