Abhanga 4082
Choose your close company by whether it truly fits and supports you, and be willing to keep distance from anyone, even family, whose influence pulls you the wrong way.
The verse
चित्ता मिळे त्याचा संग रुचिकर । क्षोभवितां दूर तों चि भलें ॥१॥
ऐसी परंपरा आलीसे चालत । भलत्याची नीत त्यागावरी ॥ध्रु.॥
हो कां पिता पुत्र बंधु कोणी तेही । विजाति संग्रहीं धरूं नये ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे सत्य पाळावें वचन । अन्यथा आपण करूं नये ॥३॥
Literal translation
Chitta-fits-company-ruchikar. Kṣōbhavitām — far-is-bhalē. Paramparā-tyāga-of-bhalatyā. Father-son-brother — vijāti-don't-keep. Tukā: keep-true-vachana — don't-do-anyathā.
What it means
A 4-verse sangati-doctrine. The company of one who fits with the heart is palatable. If someone is disturbing — keeping them far is fine. The tradition has run thus — the rule of rejection of any unfit one. Whether father, son, or brother — anyone — don't keep one who's of-wrong-nature. Keep the true word — don't act otherwise. The radical claim: even family-relations must be rejected if they are vijāti (of-incompatible-nature with bhakti).
For someone today
Tukaram says the company that truly fits your heart feels agreeable and easy, while company that disturbs your peace is fine to keep at a distance. This has been a long-standing principle: choose your close company by whether it actually supports who you are becoming, not by habit or obligation. He goes so far as to say that even a father, son, or brother should not be kept close if their influence pulls you the wrong way. The point is to hold firmly to what you know is true and not compromise it just because a relationship is familiar.
मराठी: तुकाराम म्हणतात की जी सोबत खरोखर मनाशी जुळते ती सुखद आणि सहज वाटते, तर जी सोबत मनःशांती बिघडवते तिला दूर ठेवणेच योग्य. ही एक जुनी परंपरा आहे: आपली जवळची सोबत ही सवयीने किंवा कर्तव्यभावाने नव्हे, तर ती तुम्हाला खरोखर घडवायला मदत करते की नाही यावरून निवडावी. ते इतके स्पष्ट सांगतात की वडील, मुलगा किंवा भाऊ असला तरी, त्याचा प्रभाव चुकीच्या दिशेने नेणारा असेल तर त्याला जवळ ठेवू नये. मुद्दा हा आहे की जे सत्य आहे त्यावर ठाम राहावे आणि केवळ नाते जुने किंवा ओळखीचे आहे म्हणून त्याच्याशी तडजोड करू नये.
Where this applies
- When a relationship, even with close family, keeps pulling you away from who you want to become
- When you feel guilty for wanting distance from someone whose company disturbs your peace
- When you are deciding who to keep close to as you try to grow or change your life
- When tradition or obligation pressures you to stay near someone despite the harm it does you