Abhanga 4255
Do not settle for a distraction when what you actually need is within reach; real care means giving what is truly good, not just whatever quiets the complaint.
The verse
कोणा एकाचिया पोरें केली आळी । ठावी नाहीं पोळी मागें देखी ॥१॥
बुझाविलें हातीं देउनी खापर । छंद करकर वारियेली ॥ध्रु.॥
तैसें नको करूं मज कृपावंता । काय नाहीं सत्ता तुझे हातीं ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे मायबापाचें उचित । करावें तें हित बाळकाचें ॥३॥
Literal translation
Child-tantrum — never-saw-pōḷī. Pacified-with-shard — caprice-stopped. Don't-do-such-krpāvanta — what's-not-in-sattā. Tukā: mother-father-uchita — bāḷaka's-hita.
What it means
A 3-verse petition-not-to-be-fobbed-off. Someone's child made a tantrum — he hadn't seen sweet-flatbread before. They pacified him by putting a broken-pot-shard in his hand — the caprice was stopped by distraction. Don't do such to me, gracious-one — what isn't in your power? Tukā says: it's the proper-conduct of mother-father — to do what's actually good for the child. The petition: don't-distract-me-with-a-substitute-when-you-can-give-the-real-thing. Sharp parental-care image: real-pōḷī, not-shard-distraction.
For someone today
Tukaram tells a small, sharp story: a child who has never tasted a sweet flatbread throws a tantrum, and the grown-ups quiet him by handing him a broken piece of pottery to play with instead. The child stops crying, but he never actually got what he needed. Tukaram turns to God and says, do not treat me that way, since nothing is beyond your power to give. He closes by naming the real standard, it is a parent's proper duty to give a child what is truly good for them, not just whatever quiets them down for the moment.
मराठी: तुकाराम एक लहानशी पण मार्मिक गोष्ट सांगतात, एका मुलाने कधी पोळी चाखलीच नसते, म्हणून तो हट्ट धरतो, आणि मोठी माणसं त्याला शांत करायला त्याच्या हातात एक फुटक्या खापराचा तुकडा देतात. मूल रडायचं थांबतं, पण त्याला जे खरंच हवं होतं ते मात्र मिळत नाही. तुकाराम देवाला सांगतात, माझ्याशी असं वागू नकोस, कारण तुझ्या हातात न देण्यासारखं काहीच नाही. शेवटी ते खरा निकष मांडतात, मुलासाठी जे खरोखर हिताचं आहे ते देणं हे आईबापाचं खरं कर्तव्य आहे, फक्त तात्पुरतं शांत करणं नव्हे.
Where this applies
- When you are handed a quick distraction instead of what you actually asked for or needed
- When you are tempted to placate someone with something easy rather than give them what truly helps them
- When you feel fobbed off with a lesser substitute and want to ask honestly for the real thing
- When you are in a position of care, like a parent or teacher, and must choose between quieting someone and truly helping them