Abhanga 4480
Tukaram voices the full rawness of feeling abandoned by God, using the shocking image of a discarded fetus, showing that honest grief and protest have a real place in devotion.
The verse
सांडियेला गर्भ उबगोनि माउली । नाहीं सांभाळिली भूमि शुद्ध ॥१॥
उष्ण तान भूक एवढिये आकांतीं । ओसंगा लाविती काय म्हुण ॥ध्रु.॥
खांद्यावरि शूळ मरणाचिये वाटे । अन्याय ही मोठे केले साच ॥२॥
हातींचा हिरोनि घातला पोटासी । तुका म्हणे ऐसी परी जाली ॥३॥
Literal translation
Sāmḍiyēlā-garbha-māulī-ubagōnī — no-clean-bhūmi-arranged. Uṣṇa-tāna-bhūka-akānti — what-said-while-ōsangā. Śūḷa-on-shoulder-death-path — injustices-done. Snatched-from-hand-thrown-into-belly — Tukā: aisī-parī-jālī.
What it means
A rare 4-verse dark-abandonment text using shocking-image of-abandoned-fetus. The mother has abandoned the fetus — out of disgust — no clean ground was attended to for it. With heat, thirst, hunger — in such great anguish — what is being said now about keeping the child in the lap? On the shoulder, a sharp-pain — on the path of death — truly, great injustices have been done. What was held in the hand has been snatched and thrown into the belly — Tukā says: such a manner has come upon me. The image: a mother-abandoning-her-fetus-in-disgust-without-arranging-clean-ground-for-it is among-the-darkest-possible-images-of-abandonment. The bhakta-as-such-an-abandoned-fetus — heat-thirst-hunger-extreme — what-can-now-be-said-about-keeping-me-in-your-lap? The closing-line what-was-held-in-the-hand-has-been-snatched-and-thrown-into-the-belly (you-pulled-me-back-into-the-womb-after-having-held-me) — a stark-petition. Pair with 2842 (mother-cuts-throat — extreme abandonment-petition).
For someone today
In this verse Tukaram does not hide his despair behind polite words. He compares himself to a fetus a mother discarded in disgust, left on unclean ground, suffering heat, thirst, and hunger, with no one asking whether the child would ever be held again. He says a sharp pain sits on his shoulder like he is walking the road to death, and that a real injustice has been done to him, as if he was once held close and then suddenly thrown away. This shows that raw anger and grief at feeling abandoned by God are allowed to be spoken honestly, bhakti does not require you to pretend everything is fine.
मराठी: या अभंगात तुकाराम आपले दुःख सभ्य शब्दांआड लपवत नाहीत. ते स्वतःची तुलना अशा गर्भाशी करतात ज्याला आईने कंटाळून टाकून दिले, अस्वच्छ जागी सोडले, उष्णता, तहान, भूक यांनी पिडलेला, आणि पुन्हा कधी कवेत घेतले जाईल की नाही हे कोणीही विचारत नाही. ते म्हणतात खांद्यावर जणू मरणाच्या वाटेवरचा तीव्र वेदनेचा भाला आहे, आणि माझ्यावर खरोखर मोठा अन्याय झाला आहे, जणू एकदा जवळ घेतले आणि मग अचानक फेकून दिले. यातून हे कळते की देवाकडून सोडून दिल्यासारखे वाटणारे खरे दुःख आणि राग मोकळेपणाने बोलणे योग्य आहे, भक्तीत सगळं ठीक आहे असे दाखवण्याची गरज नाही.
Where this applies
- When you feel completely forsaken by God during a period of real suffering and want to cry out honestly instead of pretending faith feels calm
- When someone tells you devotion must always sound grateful and you feel guilty for your anger or despair
- When you have experienced a sudden loss of closeness with someone or something that once held you safely
- When you are going through physical or emotional hardship that feels unjust and unexplainable