Abhanga 3614
Even in the rawest despair, when abandoned by kin and shamed by rumor, the honest cry is to ask if there is still room for you.
The verse
आतां सांडूं तरी हातीं ना पदरीं । सखीं सहोदरीं मोकळिलों ॥१॥
जनाचारामध्यें उडाला पातेरा । जालों निलाजिरा म्हणऊनि ॥ध्रु.॥
कोणाचिया दारा जावेनासें जालें । म्यां च विटंबिलें आपणासी ॥२॥
कां न जाला माझे बुद्धीसी संचार । नाहीं कोठें थार ऐसें जालें ॥३॥
तुका म्हणे तुज भक्त जाले फार । म्हणोनियां थार नाहीं येथें ॥४॥
Literal translation
Abandoning — neither-hand-nor-padar — freed-from-sakhī-sahōdara. Pātēra-flew-in-janāchāra — became-nilājira. Can't-go-to-door — disgraced-myself. Why-no-samchāra-in-buddhi — no-thāra-anywhere. Tukā: you-have-too-many-bhaktas — no-thāra-here.
What it means
A striking 4-verse public-shame text. I have nothing in hand or in padar; my own kin have let me go; rumors fly in public against me; I cannot go to anyone's door; why didn't my buddhi flow well? — there's no place for me anywhere; you have so many bhaktas already, there's no thāra for me here. The closing too-many-bhaktas complaint is striking.
For someone today
Tukārām voices a raw, painful moment of feeling utterly abandoned, he has nothing left in hand, his own close friends and kin have let him go. Rumors and slander have spread about him in public until he feels branded shameless, and now he can't even bring himself to knock on anyone's door, feeling he has disgraced himself. He asks why some better instinct never guided his mind, since he feels he has no foothold anywhere in the world. And then comes the sharp, almost bitter final line, he tells God that there are already so many devotees, so it seems there's no room, no place left here for him.
मराठी: तुकाराम एका कच्च्या, वेदनादायक क्षणी संपूर्ण एकाकीपणाची भावना व्यक्त करतात, त्यांच्या हातात काहीच उरलेलं नाही, त्यांचे जवळचे मित्र आणि नातेवाईकही त्यांना सोडून गेले आहेत. त्यांच्याबद्दल सार्वजनिक ठिकाणी अफवा आणि निंदा इतकी पसरली आहे की त्यांना निर्लज्ज ठरवलं गेलं आहे, आणि आता ते कोणाच्याही दारात जायलाही धजावत नाहीत, स्वतःलाच बदनाम केलं असं त्यांना वाटतं. त्यांच्या मनाला योग्य दिशा का मिळाली नाही असं ते विचारतात, कारण जगात कुठेही आपल्याला आधार नाही असं त्यांना वाटतं. आणि शेवटी येते ती तीक्ष्ण, जवळजवळ कडवट ओळ, ते देवाला सांगतात की तुझ्याकडे आधीच इतके भक्त आहेत की इथे माझ्यासाठी जागाच उरलेली नाही असं वाटतंय.
Where this applies
- When you feel utterly abandoned by close friends or family and don't know where to turn
- When rumors or gossip have damaged your reputation until you feel ashamed to face anyone
- When you wonder why you never had the good sense to avoid the situation you're in now
- When you feel there's no room left for you, even in the place you most want to belong