Abhanga 3665
Winning someone over takes patience and humility, not force, and even your final words should carry sweetness rather than harshness.
The verse
हेचि वादकाची कळा । नाहीं येऊं येत बळा ॥१॥
धीर करावा करावा । तरी तो आहे आम्हां देवा ॥ध्रु.॥
रिघावें पोटांत । पायां पडोन घ्यावा अंत ॥२॥
तुका म्हणे वरि । गोडा आणावा उत्तरीं ॥३॥
Literal translation
Vādaka's-kaḷā — not-by-baḷa. Dhīra-must-be-held — we-have-Deva. Enter-into-pōṭa — falling-at-feet-take-end. Tukā: above — bring-gōḍa-into-uttara.
What it means
A 3-verse debater's-skill text. This is the wrestler's-skill — can't be brought by force; patience must be held — we have that, Deva; enter into the belly, take the end by falling at the feet; bring sweetness into the reply.
For someone today
Tukaram compares winning someone over to a wrestler's or debater's skill, something you cannot force into being through sheer power. What actually works is patience, and he says that is something he has in plenty. To really reach a person, you have to get close to their heart, approaching with humility rather than dominance, the way one might fall at their feet to finally settle things. Even then, your words should carry sweetness, not harshness, right to the very end of the conversation.
मराठी: तुकाराम एखाद्याला जिंकून घेणे हे कुस्तीगीर किंवा वादविवादपटूच्या कौशल्यासारखे आहे असे सांगतात, ते केवळ जबरदस्तीने साध्य होत नाही. खरे काम धीर्याने होते, आणि तेच आपल्याकडे भरपूर आहे असे ते म्हणतात. एखाद्यापर्यंत खरोखर पोहोचायचे असेल तर त्याच्या मनाच्या जवळ जावे लागते, वर्चस्व गाजवण्याऐवजी नम्रतेने, जणू चरणी पडून प्रकरण मिटवावे. आणि त्यानंतरही आपले शब्द संभाषणाच्या शेवटपर्यंत कठोर नव्हे तर गोड असावेत.
Where this applies
- When you are in a disagreement and tempted to push your point through force or pressure
- When patience gets you further with someone than raw insistence ever could
- When you need to approach someone with humility to truly reach their heart instead of trying to dominate the conversation
- When you choose kind, gentle words even while disagreeing, instead of a harsh reply