Abhanga 3969
Tukaram honestly admits fear and discouragement after being mocked and threatened for his devotion, and turns straight to God rather than hiding how he feels.
The verse
पांडुरंगा आतां ऐका हे विनंती । बहु माझे चित्तीं भय वाटे ॥१॥
नाहीं आइकिलें संतांचिया मुखें । तें या मज लोकें भडसाविलें ॥ध्रु.॥
विष्णुदासां गति नाहीं तरावया । म्हणती गेले वांयां कष्टत ही ॥२॥
धिक्कारिती मज करितां कीर्तन । काय सांगों शीण ते काळिचा ॥३॥
तुका म्हणे मज वाटतें उदास । काय करूं यास पांडुरंगा ॥४॥
Literal translation
Pāṇḍurangā ātām aikā he vinantī — bahu mājhe chittīm bhaya vāṭē — Pāṇḍurangā, hear this petition now — much fear is in my chitta. Nāhīm āikilēm santāñciyā mukhem — tem yā maja lōkēm bhaḍasāvilēm — (what) I haven't heard from sants' mouths — these people threaten me with. Viṣṇudāsām gati nāhīm tarāvayā — mhaṇatī gele vāmyām kaṣṭata hī — (they say) Viṣṇu-dāsas have no gati to cross — they went in vain even suffering. Dhikkāritī maja karitām kīrtana — kāya sāngōm śīṇa te kāḷicā — they mock me while I do kīrtana — what to tell, the fatigue of that moment. Tukā mhaṇe maja vāṭatēm udāsa — kāya karūm yāsa Pāṇḍurangā — Tukā says: I feel udāsa — what shall I do, Pāṇḍurangā.
What it means
A 4-verse rare biographical petition. People-threaten-me-with-things-not-heard-from-sants; they-say-Viṣṇu-dāsas-go-in-vain-even-suffering; they-mock-me-during-kīrtana; I-feel-udāsa-Pāṇḍurangā. Direct evidence of opposition Tukārām faced during his kīrtana-life.
For someone today
Tukaram admits real fear filling his heart as he brings this petition to Pandurang, because people around him are threatening him with claims he has never actually heard from any genuine saint, saying that devotees of Vishnu have no real path to liberation and that all their effort and suffering has been for nothing. He describes being openly mocked while performing kirtana, the very practice he holds sacred, and does not hide how exhausting and demoralizing that moment feels. Rather than pretending to be unaffected, he turns straight to God and honestly confesses feeling depressed and unsure what to do next.
मराठी: तुकाराम पांडुरंगाकडे ही विनंती मांडताना मनात खरी भीती असल्याचे कबूल करतात, कारण आजूबाजूचे लोक त्यांना अशा गोष्टींनी धमकावत आहेत ज्या त्यांनी कोणत्याही खऱ्या संताच्या तोंडून कधीच ऐकल्या नाहीत, विष्णुभक्तांना तरण्याचा खरा मार्गच नाही आणि त्यांचे सगळे कष्ट आणि दुःख व्यर्थ गेले, असे हे लोक म्हणतात. कीर्तन करताना, जे त्यांच्यासाठी पवित्र आहे, त्यांची उघडपणे थट्टा केली जाते असे ते सांगतात, आणि तो क्षण किती थकवणारा आणि खचवणारा वाटतो हे ते लपवत नाहीत. स्वतःला अलिप्त दाखवण्याऐवजी ते थेट देवाकडे वळतात आणि प्रामाणिकपणे कबूल करतात की मला उदास वाटतेय, आता काय करू हेच कळत नाही.
Where this applies
- Tukārām's biographical-opposition corpus
- Companion to anti-paṇḍita texts (2859), refusal-as-Deva (2901)