Abhanga 4252
It is possible to be honest about the hollowness in your own devotion and still ask, humbly, to be kept close so that real love has a chance to grow.
The verse
ऐसें काय उणें जालें तुज देवा । भावेंविण सेवा घेसी माझी ॥१॥
काय मज द्यावा न लगे मुशारा । पहावें दातारा विचारूनि ॥ध्रु.॥
करितों पाखांडें जोडूनि अक्षरें । नव्हे ज्ञान खरें भक्तिरस ॥२॥
गुणवाद तुझे न बोलवे वाणी । आणिका छळणी वाद सांगें ॥३॥
तरी आतां मज राखें तुझे पायीं । देखसील कांहीं प्रेमरस ॥४॥
तुका म्हणे तुज हांसतील लोक । निःकाम सेवक म्हणोनियां ॥५॥
Literal translation
What-uṇa-deva-take-sevā-without-bhāva. No-wage-needed — consider-dātāra. Make-pākhaṇḍa-joining-letters — not-real-jñāna-or-bhakti-rasa. Can't-praise-guṇa-vāda — give-others-chhaḷaṇī-vāda. Keep-at-feet — see-prema-rasa. Tukā: people-will-laugh — niṣkāma-sevaka-calling-me.
What it means
A 5-verse rare self-deprecating-self-critique. What deficiency for you, Deva — that you take my service without proper bhāva? I don't need a wage given; consider, gracious-giver. I make heresy by joining letters; it's not real knowledge or devotion-essence. I can't speak your praise with my voice; to others I tell mocking-disputation. So now at least keep me at your feet — you'll see some love-essence. Tukā says: people will laugh at you, calling me a desireless-servant. The self-critique angle: I have no real bhāva — my verses are pākhaṇḍa-of-letters — I criticize-others; if you don't keep me at your feet, you'll be embarrassed. Rare bhakta-as-liability self-presentation.
For someone today
In this unusually honest confession, Tukaram turns the criticism on himself instead of praising his own devotion. He asks God bluntly what is wrong that he would accept such service, service given without real feeling, and says he does not even want anything in return, just an honest look from the giver. He admits his verses may just be words strung together, not true knowledge or the deep taste of devotion, and that his tongue struggles to praise God while it is quick enough to mock others. Even so, he begs to be kept close, at God's feet, so that some real love might grow there after all, because if he is sent away, people will only laugh at God for having taken on such an unreliable servant.
मराठी: या असाधारण प्रामाणिक कबुलीत तुकाराम स्वतःच्याच भक्तीचं कौतुक न करता स्वतःवरच टीका करतात. ते देवाला थेट विचारतात, माझ्यात नक्की काय कमतरता आहे की तू खऱ्या भावाशिवाय दिलेली माझी सेवा स्वीकारतोस, आणि म्हणतात की बदल्यात काहीच नको, फक्त दात्याने जरा विचार करून पाहावं. ते कबूल करतात की माझे शब्द म्हणजे नुसती अक्षरांची जुळवाजुळव असेल, खरं ज्ञान किंवा भक्तिरस नसेल, आणि माझी वाणी तुझी स्तुती करताना अडखळते पण दुसऱ्यांची चेष्टा करताना मात्र पटकन चालते. तरीही ते विनवतात की मला तुझ्या पायाशी ठेव, कदाचित तिथे खरं प्रेम रुजेल, कारण मला दूर केलंस तर लोक तुझीच हसतील की तू असा निःकाम पण अविश्वासू सेवक जवळ ठेवला होतास.
Where this applies
- When you suspect your own prayer or devotion is more habit than genuine feeling
- When you catch yourself criticizing others more easily than you can offer real praise
- When you feel unqualified for the role or relationship you have been given
- When you want to stay close to someone even after admitting your own shortcomings to them